This is Alpha, the first-born, when he was 2YO.
This is Beta, the second-born, when he was about 2YO.
This is Gamma, the third-born, when he was about 18MO.
Apology Accepted
Aug
11
2009
During one of the many interactions that occur on a family vacation, a relative had to apologize to me. I am keeping it vague, because I don’t remember which niece or nephew it was, or even what the infraction was.
Somebody did something innocuous such as run into me because he wasn’t watching where he was going, but that happens a lot when there are 13 mobile children in one house for a week. I didn’t think much of whatever happened, but that child’s father saw it and then told the child to apologize to me. The child apologized rather well, considering how some apologies can go, but I was momentarily (that’s for a moment, not in a moment) stymied about how to respond.
It shouldn’t be that hard to respond to an apology. My normal without-thinking reply is “That’s okay“. But just before I was going to say that, my brain stopped me. I couldn’t say that, because that phrase implies that the infraction was not worth an apology. “That’s okay” really means “You shouldn’t have bothered apologizing because I wasn’t bothered by what you did”, at least in my mind it does.
In this case it was true, but I wanted to reinforce the father’s lesson he was trying to teach his child. And I thought that “That’s okay” would undermine that lesson. In trying to help my relative, I had to abandon my casual response and actually had to think about what reply to give.
What I said at that point was “Thank you for apologizing“, but I think “I accept your apology” or “I forgive you” (not “That’s okay; I forgive you” but a simple “I forgive you”) would also work. I didn’t want to keep the child and father waiting too long for me to say something, so “Thank you” was it.
Also, “Apology accepted” and “You’re forgiven” are true, but less direct than they should be. They may have been fine for a while, but in today’s society of weasely apologies (“mistakes were made”) I think I’m leaning toward putting pronouns in there: I accept, I forgive. Maybe that will encourage pronouns (and active voice) in the apologies.
For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Matthew 6:14
This little article thingy was written by Some Guy sometime around 11:51 pm and has been carefully placed in the Ponder category.
August 12th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
I’ve been thinking the same thing about the normal “that’s okay” response; it just doesn’t seem right. “Okay” and “forgiven” are very different: only the latter retains the important point that the action was wrong. This is an excellent post.
August 14th, 2009 at 9:20 am
I prefer “that’s cool” or “it’s all good”. Not only are they less stilted ways of saying “you’re forgiven”, they also show you’re a white kid who grew up in the 1980s or early 1990s.