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Chapter 1: Off to the Store

The kitchen lady at the local home-improvement store insulted me. I won’t say the name of the store, but the lady was wearing an orange apron.

This last weekend, I went to the store for some cabinets to put in the new laundry room. Kitchen cabinets work well above the washer and dryer, for storing bathroom, laundry, and even some kitchen supplies. We were ready to put them in, so I just needed to buy them.

I found the cabinets. We had already decided on 12″ deep and 30″ tall and 60″ wide. They don’t sell 60″-wide cabinets, but they did have some that were 30″ wide. There were three of them on a shelf, and the shelf was about as high as my waist.

The first cabinet was upside-down. The “This end up” wording was upside-down and the arrow was pointing down. Not trusting that one, I decided I wanted the two cabinets behind it. So I took the first one off the shelf and put it on my flatbed cart. Because of their size, cabinets are a little awkward to carry, but it’s not really a problem. They weigh around 40-50 lbs – about the same as the 5-year-old I had with me at the store and am used to carrying.

Chapter 2: The Plot Begins

I moved the unwanted cabinet to the end of the cart and put the first good one at the front of the cart. As I was getting ready to put the last cabinet on the cart, the lady who patrols the kitchen center stopped by.

“Do you need any help?” she asked.
“No thanks,” I replied.
“We can get someone to lift those for you.” she continued.
I responded with something like “it’s just this last one; it’s no problem.” but she would not give up.
“Well then, I will hold the cart while you put the cabinet on it.”

What was going on? I don’t like to be bothered at stores. I like to get my merchandise, buy it, and leave. And I don’t want to wait for help.

So I grabbed the cabinet and put it on the cart while she held the cart. It’s not like the cart was prone to rolling. It hadn’t budged while I put the other two cabinets on it. If the store had a policy about customers handling large items, she should have said so. And if that were the case, then why would the store put large items in the aisles for customers to take?

But she didn’t say anything about store policies, so my only other explanation is that she had lived through a really bad cart-rolling accident and has vowed that she would never let that happen again.

I wanted to show her that I knew how to lift things properly (so that she wouldn’t worry so much about me), so I used my legs and not my back when lowering the cabinet. I didn’t want to have to deal with explaining that I didn’t want the one cabinet and would be putting it back on the shelf, so I said “Okay” and waited for her to leave.

Chapter 3: The Plot Thickens

She, however, was not done yet: “Now when you check-out, there are people there who can help you load these into your car.”
“You have to be kidding!” I said to myself. Outwardly though, it sounded a lot like “Okay.”
“Just ask at the check-out, and they’ll help.”
“O-kaaay.”
“No sense in having you lifting all these things – have the young guys do the work instead.”
“What!?!” – “Okay, thanks.”

First she insults my physical capabilities and therefore my masculinity by implying that I can’t handle lifting a cabinet. Now she insults my appearance by calling me old? I am in my early 30s, and I am guessing that she was in her late 40s. So she should have known better.

If you are in customer service at all, here are some tips:

1. Don’t imply that a guy can’t do something (especially if he has already done it twice). If you must try to help him, say that it will make the task go quicker, not that it will help him.
2. If a person is old enough to have kids, never make him feel older. Always err on the side of youth. Aim for compliments, not back-handed insults.

Finally, after I started browsing for small cabinet accessories, she left. I glanced around to make sure the coast was clear, then I hoisted the upside-down cabinet back onto its shelf. All by myself. Yes, I flipped it over so it was upside-up.

Chapter 4: Free at Last

I then went over the water-softener salt section and tossed eight 40-lb bags of salt onto the cart.
With my back bent.
So there.
Okay, maybe I didn’t exactly toss them. But I did move them from the pallet to my cart.

We checked out, and I forgot to tell the cashier lady that someone was to help load my stuff in my car. I half expected that the kitchen lady had called the front of the store to have someone waiting for me, but no one said anything so I just left.

I rolled the cart to the minivan, tossed the salt in the back of the van (it actually was more of a toss this time), and put the cabinets in the middle of the van (after making sure the 5-year-old was in his car seat and buckled). No one came running out of the store to say anything, so I was home free.

In case you’re wondering, my arms and back are just fine.

“How long will you torment me And crush me with words? These ten times you have insulted me; You are not ashamed to wrong me.”
– Job 19:2-3