Some Blog Site

Dear Presidential Candidates:

I won’t trust much of what goes on in the campaign; in fact, I won’t even pay attention to it. But if you do want to gain my attention – and my vote – then please include these items in your promises to the American people.

Promise us that

• we will be able to keep our shoes on our feet at the airport;
• we will be able to buy any kind of light bulb we want;
• Presidents’ Day will be observed on the Monday following the first Sunday in February; and
• anyone who tries a pen or marker, sees that it doesn’t work, and puts it back in place (instead of throwing it away) will be fined a day’s pay.

For the second-to-last item, a candidate could promise to observe Groundhog Day on that day, or make up a new holiday. The point is to give us that Monday off, to recover from the Super Bowl.

For that last point, an additional consequence should be that the person cannot vote in the next election. If someone is going to re-elect a writing utensil that everyone agrees is bad, how can he be trusted not to re-elect a bad president, governor, or congressman?

What would you like to add to the list?