This is Alpha, the first-born, when he was 2YO.
This is Beta, the second-born, when he was about 2YO.
This is Gamma, the third-born, when he was about 18MO.
Return of the Leg-Dropping Elf
Dec
10
2013
This is a guest post that I submitted to Jon Acuff over a year ago. Since he has not posted it yet, I’m assuming he is not going to use it. Before you read this though, you should read the SCL post regarding the Elf on the Shelf. Once you have done that, please enjoy this post. Alternate titles are
Leg Dropping Elves: Episode 5
Elf on the Shelf, Part II
Leg Dropping Elves Reloaded
Elf on the Shelf: The Squeakquel
2 Fast 2 Elf-ious
Wise Man 1: Well, well, well… look who’s back.
Wise Man 2: It’s the doll that has nothing to do with the Christmas story! What are you doing here?
Elf on the Shelf: My name is Elf on the Shelf. You killed my Christmas. Prepare to…
Wise Man 1: That old bit? Don’t you have anything better? Something original?
Elf on the Shelf: How about “an eye for an eye and a beat-down for a beat-down”?
Wise Man 1: Oh yeah? You and what army?
Elf on the Shelf: Guys…
Gnome in your Home and Troll in a Bowl: Ta-daaa!
Wise Man 3: Is that all you got? I was almost worried for a minute there.
Elf on the Shelf: You should be worried, because I am going to get angry very soon…
Wise Man 3: Bah!
Elf on the Shelf: …and you don’t want to raise my ire.
Gnome in your Home: His ire is very Biblical.
Wise Man 1: How is that Biblical? We’re the Scripture experts here, not you.
Troll in a Bowl: Surely you’ve heard of elf-ire.
Gnome in your Home: And brimstone! We brought some brimstone in case things got ugly today.
Wise Man 2: Since you’re here, things are looking ugly indeed.
Gnome in your Home: And what do you mean by that?
Wise Man 2: I just call ’em as I see ’em.
Gnome in your Home: That does it – no more Mr. Nice Gnome!
Wise Man 1: Don’t worry about the gnome – he looks tough but he can’t take a hit very well.
Wise Man 2: You mean he has a glass jaw?
Wise Man 3: It looks like ceramic to me…
Wise Man 2: But what’s the troll made of?
Wise Man 3: Whatever it is, it stinks.
Wise Man 2: Maybe he’s made of brimstone.
Troll in a Bowl: I can see why the Elf came back. You guys need to be taken down a notch.
Gnome in your Home: Ooh! Ooh! Are we starting?
Elf on the Shelf: Wise men, you’re about to get served.
Wise Man 1: Good, cause I’m hungry.
Elf on the Shelf: We’ll start with the appetizer – a bowl of leg-drop soup!
Troll in a Bowl: Geronimoooo!
Wise Men: Oof!
Elf on the Shelf: Next comes a dish of smack-aroni and cheese.
Gnome in your Home: Thwack!
Wise Men: Ow!
Elf on the Shelf: And for dessert, have a heaping helping of …
Shepherds: Hey! Why weren’t we invited to the party?
Wise Men: Tag…
(Melee ensues.)
(Christmas decorations of all sorts are left in shambles.)
(The family wonders what happened when they find the destruction. They end up blaming squirrels for the mess.)
Where will it end? Will they ever learn to get along? What should the dessert be?
And having been warned by God in a dream not to return to Herod, the magi left for their own country by another way.
Matthew 2:12
This little article thingy was written by Some Guy sometime around 6:24 am and has been carefully placed in the Fun category.
December 10th, 2013 at 8:23 am
The Squeakquel! Love it.
December 10th, 2013 at 10:50 am
It probably didn’t get accepted because you didn’t title it with “Elf on the Shelf 2: Electric Boogaloo”. In fact, all the SCL guest posts I’ve submitted didn’t have Electric Boogaloo and they were all rejected….hmm……
December 10th, 2013 at 12:00 pm
I never saw that Chipmunks movie. I figured there were many other better uses of my time. But the title is memorable.