This is Alpha, the first-born, when he was 2YO.
This is Beta, the second-born, when he was about 2YO.
This is Gamma, the third-born, when he was about 18MO.
How to Avoid Insulting a Man
Aug
7
2014
This was indirectly inspired by a recent post about things learned from Visionary Family Ministries.
Women, here is a tip to help you when speaking to your husband: don’t insult him.
I know that sounds obvious, but you might not know you’re insulting him.
Let me give an example.
Let’s say Dear Husband is working on a project. Maybe it’s changing the car’s oil. Maybe it’s replacing the kitchen faucet. Maybe it’s installing a sprinkler system. Doesn’t really matter, other than it’s something that, when it’s done, he can say he accomplished it.
Now let’s say you see him working on said project, and you want to be helpful, so you ask him if he needs any help.
That was the insult.
I know you meant well, but just don’t ask or say anything about needing help.
If you are worried about his safety, then stay nearby (but out of harm’s way) so he can ask for help once he realizes he needs it.
If you have seen The King and I, then you may be familiar with the concept of letting the king (or husband – those terms are interchangeable, right?) think he thought of an idea that you led him to.
| What a Woman Says | What a Man Hears |
|---|---|
| Do you need help? | Are you incompetent? |
| My dad/brother/friend’s husband is good at that. He can help you. | This other guy is better than you are. |
| I told you that would be a problem. | I don’t want to help, but I do want to criticize. |
| Lemonade and cookies are ready when you are done. | Thanks for doing this. |
In summary: if a guy wants to do something, let him accomplish it on his own.
Also, results are not guaranteed. Your mileage may vary. Some guys might like being asked if they need help, as if they are still kindergarteners.
The exception – the only time you can offer help – is if the help is one of his children. If you say “Little junior wants to help. Is there anything he can do?” then he will find a way to need help. Even if it is just handing him that wrench.
not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
1 Peter 3:9
This little article thingy was written by Some Guy sometime around 6:06 am and has been carefully placed in the Life category.
August 8th, 2014 at 12:53 am
Nice post.
I wonder why God made our communication difficult? Seems like men and women think and talk in opposites. We are offering to help out of love or teamwork etc., not to insult.