Some Blog Site

Gamma: You know what I do to Delta when I tell him “I’ll give you something to cry about?”
Some Guy (suspiciously) : No, what?
Gamma: I tell him that he lost his favorite ball in the summer!

I couldn’t help but smile at that one.

And no, he didn’t get that phrase from me.

The Scene: Delta runs to me, crying
Some Guy: What’s wrong?
Delta: Daddy, Gamma smacked me!
Some Guy: I’m sorry. Where?
Delta: In the living room.

If he weren’t two years old, I would have thought he had been watching old comedy sketches somewhere.

Gamma: I’m practicing air hockey so I can win more than Beta.
Some Guy : That’s right – if you want to be good at something you need to practice, to work at it.
Gamma: Like if I don’t like eating vegetables, I need to practice eating more of them?
Some Guy : Sure.

The Scene: informal Bible lesson
Some Guy: The Roman soldiers used a piece of armor called the breastplate to protect their vital organs.
Beta: Yeah, if they didn’t, then their Little Einsteins would come gooshing out!
Alpha: Not Little Einsteins! Little intestines!
Some Guy: Small intestines, but yes, that could happen.

The Scene: leaving the doctor office after a blood draw
Gamma: Why did they take my blood?
Some Guy : They are going to test it to see what allergies you have.
Gamma: When are they going to put it back?
Some Guy : Oh, they’re not.

Gamma: If your nose is bleeding you use a Kleenex because with a Band-Aid you couldn’t breathe.

The Scene: I’m pretending to eat a pig
Gamma: No, you don’t eat pigs! You need to wait for them to lay bacon.

The Scene: dinner.
Beta: More honey!
Some Wife: No, all you did was lick the honey off the biscuit.

The Scene: I’m looking out the window with Delta
Some Guy: Look at that!
Some Wife: What?
Some Guy: A Bobcat is going down the road
Some Wife, starting to walk over to the window: Really?
Some Guy: Yes, but it’s the small bulldozer kind of Bobcat, not the animal kind of bobcat.
Some Wife, abandoning her trip to the window: Oh, never mind. I thought it was something interesting.
Some Guy: It is!

At least Delta’s with me on this one.

The Scene: Kids’ bedtime
Some Guy: Did you brush your teeth?
Beta: Yes.
Some Guy: Tonight?
Beta: Awww maaaan

Nice try, but you have to brush your teeth tonight.

With toothpaste.

And a toothbrush.

The Scene: I forget
Some Wife, to me: Your eyes are red
Gamma, suddenly interested: Let me see!
Some Guy: Okay
Gamma: There are red hairs in your eyes.
Some Guy: I suppose that’s what bloodshot looks like.

The Scene: Gamma is sitting on my bed.
Some Guy: Gamma, when’s the last time you went potty?
Gamma: Right now!
Some Guy, panicking: What?! Get off my bed!

What he meant was that he had gone potty shortly before I asked him. In the bathroom, like he should have.
He also refers to anything before today as “last night”. It could have been a year ago – all the past is “last night”.

The Scene: A child who will not be named is misbehaving at the dinner table.
Some Guy: Hey! Stop it! You know better than to do that.
Child: I also know worse…
Some Guy: Well, don’t do that either.

I’m already praying about his teenage years.

The Scene: My wife and I are discussing Delta’s upcoming doctor appointment.
Some Wife: Do we need to schedule any other kids for that day?
Some Guy: I don’t know if anyone needs shots…
Gamma: Nobody does!

He wasn’t supposed to be part of the conversation, but I appreciated his effort.

Here are some of the conversations with gamma that I have collected over the last few weeks. Enjoy!

The Scene: Gamma cannot be still and appears to have a full bladder.
Some Guy: Do you need to go potty?
Gamma: No, my knees are just dancing.

The Scene: My neck was sore from too many children grabbing onto my neck as they jumped on my back whenever I sat or knelt.
Gamma (about to jump on my back): Does your neck hurt?
Some Guy: Yes
Gamma: Okay, I’ll just grab your shoulders!

The Scene: Way past bedtime. We are trying to persuade Gamma to go to sleep.
Gamma: I’m still awake because my eyes can’t stay shut

The Scene: Gamma is coughing and we have just decided that he is not going to church.
Gamma: I want to go to church because I will cover my mouth. That’s why I want to go to church.

The Scene: The wife is at the fridge and Gamma is nearby. I walk into the kitchen and my wife has a question.
Wife (to me): What was I going to add to the grocery list?
Gamma: Ice cream and popsicles!

The Scene: I just told Gamma that he should not eat the hot pepper because it is spicy.
Gamma: I will blow the hot off the pepper. Then it will be a cold pepper. No, then it will be warm after I blow on it.

The Scene: We are getting ready to watch Shaun the Sheep. There is an episode with a swamp monster. It is meant to be silly, not scary, but it starts with scary music so the boys call it “the scary one”.
Gamma: I want to watch the scary one.
Some Guy: Oh, I don’t
Gamma: Why not?
Some Guy: It’s too scary.
Gamma: You can go away from the scary part…
Some Guy: Hmm?
Gamma: And they stay in the TV…
Some Guy: ?
Gamma: The scary guy can’t come out where we are
Some Guy: That’s, umm, good to know.

Here are four different conversations that we’ve had in our house recently:

Beta, under the table and crawling away from Gamma: I got him!
I, after looking at Gamma’s legs: Don’t rub butter on people!

Especially if they are suffering from a burn. All the first-aid advice I remember can be summarized by “Do not put butter on a burn.” I don’t know what I should put on a burn – maybe I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter?

The Scene: I am making eggs for the boys.
Beta: I don’t eat the yellow part because that is what the chick eats.

Fair enough, but this one is done eating his, so you can have it.

I: Okay, which day do you want to buy school lunch?
Alpha: Friday, because that’s the pizza day.
Beta: Do they have cheese pizza?
Alpha: No, it’s pepperoni. But the pepperoni is so small that you can’t even taste it.
Beta: I want Friday too so I can have the tasteless pizza.

No really, with school lunch that’s a good thing.

Gamma, rubbing his hands together: I got some hand sanitizer!
I: But there’s no… hey! That’s macaroni and cheese!

You’re right, it’s probably close enough.

Round-up of random utterances that I heard lately. Enjoy!

Wife: Okay, who put socks in the fridge?
The funny part was that Beta came running to claim his socks, which he apparently wanted to be cold.

Gamma: When the poison ivy is gone, what time is it?
I: Umm…4 o’clock
Gamma: 5 o’clock!
Well, at least I was close. His questioning reminded me of those annoying Netflix commercials.

Gamma: I’m washing my hair like a cat.
Wife: What?! Stop licking your hands!
Gamma: But Nanoo said that’s what cats do…
Wife: Yes, but you’re not a cat.

Gamma pointing to a greasy frying pan: What’s that?
Me: That’s grease.
Gamma stares blankly
Me: It, uh, comes out of the meat when you cook it.
Gamma still not sure
Me: It’s like frosting for the meat!
Gamma walks away, satisfied at the answer (or at least convinced that I don’t have a good explanation)

Maybe butter would have been a better word to use.