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Potty training – not what you think it is.

Our toilet must have already been trained when we bought it, because it always obeys. So we never had to go through potty training.

We’ve taught two boys to use the potty. Third one should be starting soon. That’s child-training, right?

Click on the image to see a full-size version (and zoom if your browser shrinks it to fit). It might be easier to read that way.

Transcript
Bog: Hey Marsh!
Marsh: Hi Bog.
B: What’s going on?
M: I’m angry! Just like every other year…
B: It’s time for Marsh madness again?
M: Yep.
B: Hey, I was talking with Creek and Swamp, and they wanted to know if…
M: No! Tell them I don’t want to help them make a deeper area of water again.
B: Okay, so you’re not participating in the pool this year?
M: No. Go away.
B: At least tell me why you’re so mad.
M: You know how we’re close to the Gulf Coast and all…
B: Right.
M: Well, I’m used to just the right amount of seawater mixed in here. But it’s way off this season.
B: Oh, you’re not happy with your brakish.
M: Not at all. And another thing…
B: Go on…
M: All these shrubs and weeds are sprouting in all the wrong spots!
B: Let me see…the seeding’s all messed up?
M: You got it. Who put those together anyway?
B: It is hard to please everyone.
M: Wait, where was the word-play in that last line?
B: There wasn’t one – you’ve had enough punishment for one day.

Have you ever read the lyrics to the song “Goodbye Hello” by the Beatles? Those have to be some of the most worthless lyrics. It’s like listening to grade-school children argue “Did not!” “Did too!” for a couple minutes. It gets old very quickly.

That’s why I’m writing this post – to give you the background for the song. Maybe the song will make a little more sense after my explanation.

A lot of people think the Beatles were good musicians, but a little-known fact is that they started out as stock traders. They did not do very well with stocks (they were a bit clueless about the concept), so they switched over to music.

Here is one of the songs they wrote about their stock-trading days. The lyrics were changed by their producer, but I have unearthed the original lyrics:

You say yes, I say no
You say stop, and I say go, go, go
Oh, no
You say good buy and I say sell low.
Sell low, sell low
I don’t know why you say to buy
when I sell low.
Sell low, sell low
I don’t know why you say to buy
when I sell low.

You say high, I say low
You say why, and I say “I don’t know”
Oh, no
You say good buy and I say sell low.
Sell low, sell low
I don’t know why you say to buy
when I sell low.
Sell low, sell low
I don’t know why you say to buy
when I sell low.

This post was inspired by some questionable enunciation during American Idol last week. Not everyone can cover Beatles songs well.

It may have been 9 below zero this morning, but spring training has started so I know winter’s demise is imminent.

I don’t really follow baseball, so I’m surprised that I know that spring training has started. And you may be surprised to know that I got a sneak peek at the new lineup for the 2011 baseball season.

That’s right, I have the exclusive scoop on who will be starting for Detroit. Without further ado, here is the starting lineup for the Detroit Tigers.

Click on the picture for a full-size version. It’s much easier to read.

And sorry about the verse – there are lions in the Bible but no tigers.

I spent some time with my favorite free photo editor and came up with this pun, a variation on the classic Folgers ad:

I also came up with some captions:

• The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.
• Never purchase military-grade coffee.
• Something about “MREs never get it right”.
• In Soviet Russia, coffee drinks you.

That last one is my favorite.

Paul said to the centurion and to the soldiers, “Unless these men remain in the ship, you yourselves cannot be saved.”

Acts 27:31

I don’t throw things away, which means my wallet just accumulates stuff. Not money, of course – that never stays in the wallet very long – but cards of various kinds.

My wallet was getting overweight – a little bulge around the middle. It needed to get a little more trim, so I put it on a low-card diet. That Dr. Atkins knew what he was talking about – cut some of the cards out of the wallet and its girth shrunk in half.

Cards in my Wallet Before and After:

What? He said “low-carb diet”?

Oh well, my wallet’s doing fine now, but I’ll keep it away from carbs too, I suppose.

In case you’re wondering: 3 expired credit cards, expired zoo membership card, old Blockbuster card, old AAA membership card, some business cards, and phone cards (2 pre-paid (mostly used up), 1 account-type thingy).

Last year, our kids received the game Guess Who by Milton Bradley and/or Hasbro.

For those not familiar with the game, you need some context. Guess Who involves guessing which character the other person has chosen. Each player starts with the same pool of people. By asking yes-or-no questions (“Does your person have a beard?”), you eliminate groups of characters and are eventually left with one person.

The game necessarily has a limited number of characteristics – too much diversity and it would be hard to eliminate groups of characters. The people have two skin tones – light/dark or black/white or whatever/whatever.

Since my family is half Asian, one thing that I noticed while my kids were playing the game is that there are no Asians in the game. The European features are represented and the African features are represented, but there are no Oriental features.

To remedy this oversight, I have produced an new version of Guess Who. I call it “Guess Hu”.

Feel free to print out these sheets and use them the next time you play Guess Who.

View Guess Hu Sheet (or click on the image below)