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This was a post that I wrote a long time ago with the hopes that it would become a guest post on Stuff Christians Like. I believe that will never happen now, so I’m publishing it here. Enjoy!

Sooner or later, during the journey that you take as a Christian, you are going to be cornered. You will be asked to do something.

If that particular task is not your cup of tea, you will want to refuse. But if you’re like I am, you can’t just say “No thanks.” – you must provide some additional, compelling explanation of why not.

Maybe you are being asked to be on a committee.
Maybe it is expected that you will be teaching the children’s Sunday School class.
Maybe you were voluntold to drive the church van for the teens’ canoe trip.

Whatever the situation, you need an excuse.

And if you need an excuse, you have come to the right place, for I have gathered excuses from the Bible. You can use this handy-dandy list the next time a church activity threatens to reduce your free time. Don’t these people know that you can’t play Draw Something if you are busy setting up chairs?

Since these excuses are from the Bible, your fellow Christians cannot argue with you. Drop one of these, and all they can do is watch is amazement as you walk away, commitment-free.

1. I just bought a field, and I must go see it.
Most church-goers will recognize this as an excuse.
However, anyone who has paid attention to the sermons about this passage will also recognize this as a sham excuse that really means “I don’t really care about you now would you please leave me alone”.
This is a rookie excuse – try to avoid it.

2. There’s a lion in the streets, so I mustn’t leave my house.
This one might backfire because the other person will probably think you were just trying to be funny while referencing Proverbs.
Not the best move either – pick something plausible.

3. I’m not yet 30. Or, I’m over age 50.
Did you know there are approved ages for serving in the church? Seriously – it’s in Numbers chapter 4. Only those between the ages of 30-50 were to work in the church.

4. I’ve been married for less than a year.
God told the Israelites that newlyweds are not to be bothered for a year. Don’t ask them to do anything other than be happily married.
Let’s see if we can work this into the church by-laws.
I would expand this by-law to include the clause that newlyweds are also not to be asked about their timeline for offspring.

5. It’s not my role in the body of Christ.
That is a job for a hand, or at least an arm. I’m the ankle in the church body, so I really wouldn’t be of any use for what you need. But I’ll support you in your efforts.

If you need time to pick the best excuse, no worries there either. Just throw in an “I need to pray about it” and you’ll get at least one extra day.

So, what’s your excuse?

It’s that time of year again – spring break!

I will be celebrating the occasion with actual springs.

Here is a list of things you don’t want to hear your spouse say, if you have small children:

• Where is that water coming from?
  It’s bad enough if it’s on the kitchen floor. Worse if it’s on the bathroom floor. Worst is if you hear that when your spouse is in the room below the kids’ bathtub.
• I thought you had him…
  It’s bad enough if you don’t know where the child is. Even worse if your spouse doesn’t either.
• Please tell me that’s chocolate.
  It’s bad enough to find a mystery substance. Even worse if you find it on your khaki pants.
• Why is it so quiet?
  It’s bad enough when you have to get up from what you were doing to see what the kids are doing. Even worse when you actually find out what they are doing.
• Here, he’s all yours.
  Enough said.

For though I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it; though I did regret it—for I see that that letter caused you sorrow, though only for a while—

2 Corinthians 7:8

Why do we say “Cheese!” when taking pictures? And what does cheese say when you take its picture? Any ideas?

Next up, a ferrets wheel. Or maybe a Paris wheel.

There have been plenty of parodies and covers of “Let It Go” from Frozen. The fad has, for the most part, died down, which means it’s time for me to do something before it’s completely off the radar.

Hence, today’s post.

Now this isn’t a full cover of the song. In fact, it’s barely even an outline.

It was to be the Software Programmer’s Version of “Let It Go”.

Transcript:
The screen glows white in the basement tonight
<Insert some clever wording related to computers>
…
Let it <something software related>
Let it <something software related>
…
The code never bothered me anyway.

What happened was I thought of the tagline first (switching code in for cold). Then I tried to think of changes to the rest of the song to fit with the theme.

I got the first line and was happy with that, but then I was stumped with the rest of it. So, rather than foist a complete but sub-par product upon you, I decided to post an incomplete but par product.