Archive for the ‘Ideas’ Category

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Pot-Ready Spaghetti

Apr

14

2015

Normally, making spaghetti involves breaking the noodles in half. If you don’t, it ends up looking like this:

image of uncooked spaghetti sticking out of a pot

Because the noodles are longer than the pot is wide.

But someone realized that there is no reason for all spaghetti noodles to be that long, since people usually break them for cooking or cut them for eating. So grocery stores are now selling these:

image of a short spaghetti to fit in a pot

That’s right – pot-ready spaghetti.

It’s the same amount of spaghetti as usual, just twice as many noodles and half as long.

But that got be thinking – there must be another way to solve this problem. And there is!

It’s the spaghetti-ready pot.

image of a pot shaped to hold spaghetti

Why do the noodles have to change? Why can’t the pot change?

Speak a parable to the rebellious house and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord God, “Put on the pot, put it on and also pour water in it;”‘

Ezekiel 24:3

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Password Suggestion

Apr

7

2015

I have considered setting my password to what.

Unfortunately, just about everyone requires a password that is longer than 4 characters, so I can’t do that.

But it would have been great. Anytime I would be asked “what is your password?” it wouldn’t be a question – it would also be the password hint.

Since I’m not using it as my password, and since it’s not very secure, it is available for any of you to use now.

On a related note, if I ever become the guy in charge of naming colors, perhaps working for a crayon or paint company, I’m going to name one of the colors What.

That way, whenever someone asks “What is your favorite color?” it won’t be a question – it will be a marketing opportunity.

then they would say to him, “Say now, ‘Shibboleth.'” But he said, “Sibboleth,” for he could not pronounce it correctly. Then they seized him and slew him at the fords of the Jordan. Thus there fell at that time 42,000 of Ephraim.

Judges 12:6

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Pain for the Whole Family

Jan

22

2015

I was reading an article that summarized various studies that concluded that people form group affinities via pain. Pain might not be the only way to bond groups, but shared pain results in identification with and loyalty to that group.

That explains the emotions of the military, especially during basic training or deployments – new shared experiences of pain. And it explains why initiations are popular for fraternities or teams – it increases commitment.

Around the time of reading the article, I was also going through a DVD series on parenting and the family. And one of the incidental points that I took from it was that families need to be together. To bond.

So I combined those two thoughts and came up with this: we need a family activity that causes pain.

You know, to increase bonding.

But that sounds kinda bad – intentionally causing physical pain to one’s family.

Maybe it could be some other sort of pain other than physical pain.

That sounds worse though. What kind of torture is that?

Then I realized I don’t need to invent any activity for that purpose. There already is one, and we’ve already used it.

It’s the road trip.

It’s perfect – everyone is involved and everyone is put through pain. If not pain, then at least discomfort or annoyance.

And the key is that the whole family participates. It can’t be the parents putting the kids through pain. Because then the kids bond with themselves against the parents. You want the kids identifying themselves as part of the whole family.

To use a sports analogy: the parents need to be the captains of the team, not the coaches. You lead, but as a part of the team.

Anyway, find some fulfilling activity for the whole family. And if you all experience pain through it, don’t complain – it is strengthening your family.

And it will be in the day when the Lord gives you rest from your pain and turmoil and harsh service in which you have been enslaved,

Isaiah 14:3

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New Sink Feature

Jul

31

2014

Many people have garbage disposals in their kitchen sinks.

We are not those people.

But if we were, I would opt for this product, which I just made up:

The In-sarlacc-erator

image of a garbage disposal that resembles the Sarlacc, in a sink instad of the Great Pit of Carkoon

image of a garbage disposal that resembles the Sarlacc, in a sink instad of the Great Pit of Carkoon

image of a garbage disposal that resembles the Sarlacc, in a sink instad of the Great Pit of Carkoon

There would also need to be a line of In-sarlacc-erator-compatible sinks, the Great Sink of Carkoon.

Note: if you don’t get it, go ask a Star Wars fan.

I wonder if it’s easier to get a licensing agreement from Disney than from Lucasfilm.

Let us swallow them alive like Sheol,
Even whole, as those who go down to the pit;

Proverbs 1:12

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Updated Miranda Rights

Jul

24

2014

The concept of Miranda rights is fine, but it needs to be expanded.

People these days have a pretty good idea of what the police and legal system are allowed to do, but it seems that enough people forget that other parts of society operate by different rules.

We need Miranda Rights for 21st-century communication. Anytime someone starts using his phone, laptop, tablet, etc., there should be a prominent warning that he must acknowledge.

Here’s a suggested update:

This call may be recorded. Anything you say can end up on the internet.

Here’s another:

These texts are being logged somewhere. Anything you write can and will be used against you in the court of public opinion.

Last one:

Don’t use Facebook. Who knows how they’ll use your information?

Of course, the rights won’t be very powerful, as there is no recourse available if they were violated. Social media is not so structured as the court system – there is no capability to strike anything from the record.

For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.

Matthew 12:37

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Ketchup Bottles

Jun

26

2014

An Open Letter to Restaurants

Here’s fair warning, restaurants: we are on to you.

We have caught on to your plans to deceive us, to make us think we have a full bottle of ketchup at our table.

Well, it’s not working.

We have seen past your little disguise. Past the solid-red plastic.

Oh yes, we know it’s the bottle that is red, and that the red is not the ketchup inside.

Why don’t you just give up?

Let us see how much ketchup is in the bottle. That way we don’t have to go through the effort of reaching the bottle, only to find it lacks substance.

And it will save us time for when we snatch a bottle of ketchup from an unoccupied table, only to discover that bottle is empty too.

What are you hiding?

Use clear plastic bottles like everyone else does.

Sincerely,

A Customer

If I were tasked with making restaurant customers’ lives harder, I would keep the opaque red bottles. And I would add weights to the bottles.

That way, customers could no longer use the coping mechanisms they have found useful – hefting the bottle to assess the weight.

There is a positive correlation between weight and ketchup volume. I would exploit that by making each empty bottle weigh as much as a normal full bottle should.

Gotta stay one step ahead of the customer if you want to stay in business.

Why did you flee secretly and deceive me, and did not tell me so that I might have sent you away with joy and with songs, with timbrel and with lyre

Genesis 31:27

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Sudooku

Jun

24

2014

image of a Sudoku puzzle with Count Dooku instead of numbers

A cross between a Sudoku puzzle and Count Dooku from Star Wars, in case you are wondering what this is all about.

So they arose and went over by count, twelve for Benjamin and Ish-bosheth the son of Saul, and twelve of the servants of David.

2 Samuel 2:15

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