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Somewhere along the way, the idea caught on (whether via romance novels or Hollywood or other) that there is one person in this world whom you were meant to marry. It does make for a good romance story – finding your one true love.

But I disagree that’s how the world works.

And I think that idea is bad for marriage.

First of all, if your chance of finding the right spouse was really 1 in a few billion, just about no one would ever have a good marriage. Those are horrible odds.

Second of all, throughout 99.2% of history, people have not had the luxury of searching the world for their one true love. So their search for love was confined to their local area. Again, what are the odds that your one true love would happen to be from your town, or the next town over? Yet people have successful marriages in this situation.

You may say “well, they had to make those marriages work, because they didn’t really have much of a choice.” And that’s the point, whether you have much of a choice or not, you have to make your marriage work. The problem with spouse-finding today is that people are not so much contrained by geography, so the wider-cast net brings so many choices, and that brings anxiety about making the right choice, and easy regret about making the wrong choice. Look up “the paradox of choice” for more on that effect.

And lastly, the reason it is bad – it puts people in the wrong mindset about marriage. If someone is looking for his one true love, let’s assume he finds someone and marries her. Then, because they are two different people and nothing is ever perfect, they start to have a disagreement after a little while. Things get rocky, and because he is of the understanding that his soulmate is supposed to be out there, he gets to thinking that this woman he married must not really be his soulmate. Therefore, he thinks he must have married the wrong person, and then the marriage really falls apart.

If he’s expecting there is one person meant for him, what will he do when the relationship starts to get rocky? Lament that “I thought she was the one…” Well, if you married her, then she was the one. Is the one. Make it work.

Successful marriage isn’t about finding the perfect match, but about being a good spouse. Most people throughout history didn’t get too much of a choice of a spouse, but still had good marriages because they got out of it what they put into it. And they didn’t expect to be a perfect match.

Don’t get me wrong – I still think you could make a wrong choice about someone. Just because there is not a 1:1 soulmate ratio out there doesn’t mean that just anyone would be a good spouse for you.

Think of it like the lesson from Ratatouille: not that everyone can be a good spouse for you, but that a good spouse can be from anywhere. Or maybe not exactly like that, but you get the idea.

Due to some recent snowfalls, we have nice wintry scenery around here. I wandered around the yard and took some photos to share with everyone. No commentary, just photos.

Since we’re in the dead of winter with snow covering everything, it’s a good time to think about flowers. I’ve already started receiving seed catalogs, but I’m not sure how much ordering I’m going to do this year. I seem to be on track with my seed saving, so we’ll see.

I wanted to see when all the perennials we have here start blooming. Mainly to see what needs some help from annuals, but also maybe moving something around or adding something.

Blooms by Month (when the flowers first appear):

March
First to bloom every year are the snowdrops.

Next is something I’ve been calling Siberian iris but I think that’s wrong.

And the yellow crocus arrives before …

… the purple crocus.

And then come the species tulips.
(more…)

I’m calling these things albums, but Amazon calls them playlists. Close enough. Amazon also has things they call stations, which are just playlists but you can’t see the list of songs in it.

First up: Christmas Hymns

Good stuff. The songs were sung in a manner that was faithful to the way they were written, and the way everyone expects them to be. It was also a good length for an album, just over an hour.

Second up: Christian Christmas Favorites

Some good stuff, some not-so-good stuff. I suppose it depends on what you’re looking for, but the title of this album was not quite representative. It starts off with a mix of classic Christmas carols and newer songs about Christmas. I wouldn’t classify some of those newer songs as “favorites”, but they were about Christmas and they were from a Christian perspective, so I did appreciate them.

What I didn’t appreciate was some of the songs mixed in: Winter Wonderland, All I Want for Christmas is You, and some others that I think were included because they were performed by Christian artists. But that doesn’t make them Christian Favorites. Plus, this album clocked in at 3 hours and 14 minutes, so they certainly could have done without those songs. And I didn’t need 3 different versions of Breath of Heaven. The curators could have picked their favorite version, or maybe they couldn’t agree on the best version and so they each put their favorite version in and hoped no one would notice the redundancy.

I had to mark this one down also due to Jordan Smith’s song “O Come (Let Us Adore)” because it took a standard Christmas carol and added a new section.

Last up: Caroling at Christmas

This one was okay. It had Christmas carols, plus some other popular Christmas songs such as Feliz Navidad that I wouldn’t classify as carols. Can you picture a group of people walking up to a house and serenading them with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”? No. Therefore, it is not a Christmas carol, and it should not be in this collection.

Anyway, this album has most of the staples, and they’re the type you’d catch on a radio station this time of year – Frank Sinatra, Andy Williams, etc.

Fine background music.

And that’s about it for Christmas albums that interested me. I then switched to Handel’s Messiah and listened to that while I finished our Christmas card layout.

With a lack of commute and not having to manage any school activities or transportation these last 2 months, along with a 3-day weekend at Lake Huron, I’ve had time to read some books.

The difference this time is that I’m recommending against some of them. So be warned.

I’m going in order of when I read them.

First up: The Candymakers by Wendy Mass

This was a very good book. Good characters, a bit of intrigue, no violence, and maybe just a hint of romance. This book tells the same story multiple times from each of the characters’ perspectives.

It may sound tedious when I type it like that, but it is done well and does actually enhance the story.

Next up: Secret Keepers by Trenton Lee Stewart

This was a good book. Good characters, suspense, no violence, and no romance. Oh, and an interesting plot. Two thumbs up.

Next up: Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep by Phillip K. Dick

This was not a good book. I won’t go so far as to say it’s a bad book, but for me it was meh – not worth spending time on it. I was looking forward to the book, and I had heard good things about the author, so I was disappointed that I never really felt into the story.

There were some parts that never made sense, and some parts (an affair) that I disagreed with, but other books have had those aspects and still managed to engage me.

Adventurers’ Guild by Zack Loran Clark and Nick Eliopulos

This was also not a good book. Well, that requires some clarification. The first book was a very good book, but it ends with a To Be Continued situation, which makes you want to read books 2 and 3 of the trilogy.

However, much like The Matrix, you are much better off stopping with the first one, and ignoring the final 2/3 of the series.

The first book was just about everything I’d want in an adventure/fantasy book for middle schoolers. An interesting world and a variety of characters and a mission, plus an appropriate amount of violence for the genre and no romance.

The second book wasn’t as good as the first book, although good except for one word. One simple word changed the book from “Yeah that’s a good book I’d let my kid read” to “Something fishy is happening”. That word was “romantically”.

That word not only introduce thoughts of romance into the story, but it was, shall we say, non-traditional romance.

Plus the violence in the book started getting a little more gory. Not bad, but another reason to give me pause.

That was when things started gently sloping downhill. But the third book was when that slope turned into a cliff.

One: the romance aspect became a major storyline. Bad because that takes away from the action but also bad because this storyline is promoting inappropriate relationships. Not just telling about it, but having the authority figure tell the youngsters in the story that this kind of love is good.
Two: the violence became more gory yet again. It could be a lot worse, but it was disappointing to see the degradation.

My recommendation: don’t read any of the books in the series.

Last up: Greenglass House by Kate Milford

This was a good book. A little less action than my usual material, but I guess this would be classified as a mystery so the added suspense makes up for it.

The story turns a little too fantastic (i.e. it moved out of the realm of believability) near the end, but I think that’s a personal preference thing. I suppose most mystery stories have to have some way of tying things up, and it was certainly a memorable way for the author to do so.

That’s all so far. But my son just came home from the library with what looks like the sequel to The Candymakers, so I may have a fall book review post too.

They say life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent what you make of it. Or, if life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

I think the Sneetches point out what happens if you just take those lemons and eat them as-is. Or let them sit there and rot.

I’m not going to equate the Star Belly and the Plain Belly Sneetches with particular classes of humans. At least not in this post. This analysis of the two types of Sneetches should not be interpreted as blaming any group of people.

Take a look at the story, if you’re not familiar with it.

The Star Belly Sneetches decide to play ball. They play ball, and they have fun. They are not nice in that they don’t allow the Plain Belly Sneetches to play with them. What do the Plain Belly Sneetches do for fun instead?

Nothing.

Apparently the Plain Belly Sneetches are not able to think of anything to do on their own. They are fixated on the stars on the other Sneetches, and can think only of how to become a Sneetch with a star. They can’t think of anything else, including coming up with something of their own to do.

Another example:

So the Star Belly Sneetches have a bonfire. What’s to prevent the Plain Belly Sneetches from having their own bonfire? Surely the Star Bellies don’t have a monopoly on fire and sticks…

And the Plain Bellies don’t look like they’re starving, so they have access to food somehow. It’s just they are so jealous of the Star Bellies that they don’t think to do anything other than want to be at the Star Belly event.

Last example:

I pay money to go on vacation to a place with a beach. I use some vacation days so I can sit on the beach and do nothing for a short time. A few days with no responsibility at work – I can relax and enjoy the view, swim in the water, help the kids play in the sand, etc. You get the picture.

The Plain Belly Sneetches live in enough of a paradise that they have enough to eat without having to work, and they have a beach that they can enjoy.

But do they enjoy it? No! Why not? Because they’re losers!

Why are they not swimming, building sand castles, and playing on the beach? Because they’re so focused on what they don’t have (approval of the Star Belly Sneetches) that they can’t enjoy (or even use) they things they do have.

I’m being a bit harsh, but it’s a fiction book about made-up creatures so I can exaggerate my criticism. I would not have the same attitude to a real person, although I would still want to convey the same lesson.

Why would the Star Belly Sneetches want to include such a useless, dour bunch of Sneetches into their activities? From what I can tell, the Plain Bellies would dampen anyone’s mood and ruin any party – I don’t blame the Star Bellies for avoiding them. Hey Plain Belly Sneetches, how about you do something interesting on your own? And get the Star Belly Sneetches’ attention that way?

I prefer the Berenstain Bears book “No Girls Allowed”. That book is specific about the classes of people it is discussing (or classes of bears rather), but it gives a solution that made more sense to me. The boys don’t let the girls into their fort, so the girls get their own fort that makes the boys jealous.

But they both have the same root problem – people are basing their happiness on comparison with others. Do your own thing, that you like for yourself. Don’t depend on other people for your happiness.

And if you are curious, I think the most applicable facet of humanity to this book is the fashion industry. People go through so much effort and money to have the right clothes/accessories/cars/things that really don’t matter, other than to impress others.

In case you wanted to order bamboo plants online but didn’t know where to start, here are my experiences with 4 of the places. I’m listing them in chronological order, which for all practical purposes is random.

I was trying to find bamboo online, and I found a lot of bamboo online. But many of the places were either local pickup only with their stock online, or wholesale/commercial only. I did find a few places that would sell and ship to anybody on the internet, so I tried them out.

• Maya Gardens – mayagardensinc.com
  This place is everywhere it seems. You can order off their website, or off Ebay or Etsy or Amazon or other places. So this place has by far the easiest ordering ability, along with prompt service.

  But it is also the most expensive for what you get. Smaller plants, and limited selection, is the tradeoff for ease of ordering, it seems.

• Bamboo Garden Center – www.bamboogardencenter.com
  This place also calls itself Bamboo Plantation. I could order online, but it seems all orders go to the Pending status as default. My first order, I waited a couple weeks then I sent an email asking about my order status. They said one item was not in stock, so they’ll cancel that item and ship the rest. I then got an email saying my order was now in the Processed state, and it shipped and arrived soon after. The plants were decent size, so that worked out okay.

  The next season, I placed another order. I figured these items should be in stock. But the order still went into Pending. And sat for a couple weeks. I asked about a possible ship date, and I did not get a reply this time. But my order did change to Processed a few days later and then it shipped. Decent plants, again. Just not my favorite customer service.

• Bamboo Garden – www.bamboogarden.com
  This place was not exactly what I wanted, because I couldn’t place an order on their website. They have all the info – prices, sizes, shipping, etc. – but you have to email or call to order. I decided to try it, so I emailed them my order with my calculated total cost. They emailed back quickly, saying they were out of stock in that size of an item but I could get the next size up if I wanted. Friendly tone to the email, prompt responses, and willing to work with me. Once we settled on what the order should be, they then emailed me an invoice which I could pay online.

  So while I couldn’t order online all in one shot on their website, I could basically accomplish what I wanted all online. It wasn’t as painful as I thought it was going to be.

  The plants arrived and they were good sized. Plus this place has the best packaging, with rails of bamboo to protect/stabilize the contents of the box.

• Tripple Brook Farm – tripplebrookfarm.com/
  This place let me order fully online, like I expect to be able to do in the Year of our Lord 2021. I got an email right away saying my order was received, but I never got a shipping notice (nor an actual shipment), so after a couple weeks I emailed them. They replied right away, sounding apologetic, and in a short time I had shipping info and then the plants arrived.

  I don’t know what happened to my order at first, but they fixed it and were communicative, so it’s okay. The plants were a good size.

I expect that ordering bamboo plants is not a typical activity, so I have no idea how helpful this blog post will be to the general public. But I felt like writing it so this is what you get.