Some Blog Site

I tried a new cereal the other day: Post Toasties. I forget where I picked it up, but I haven’t tried to find it again.

This isn’t a review of the cereal itself (think “inflated grape nuts”), but rather of something I noticed on the box.

In the US, all food products are required to list the nutrition information. I believe that a corollary to that law is that all cereal boxes are required to show a bowl of the cereal with milk (fruit garnish optional).

Let’s zoom in on the standard disclaimer:

No big deal, right? Every box of cereal says “enlarged to show texture”.

Wrong! Well, every box may say that, but that doesn’t mean that it’s right.

I started eating the cereal and discovered that the cereal’s claims were incorrect. The photo on the box was not enlarged to show texture. In fact, the picture showed the cereal smaller than it actually was.

Unfortunately for me, I now know that I won’t be able to win any money for deceptive advertising because it may be an obvious unilateral mistake. Plus I wasn’t really affected by it.

Oh well.

It’s actual size, but it seems much bigger to me.

The handy-dandy pack of coupons and phamphlets that is mailed to everyone on our postal route about once a month arrived recently. In it was an advertisement for a local Mexican restaurant:

If you are like me, you immediately noticed the headline:

I know there are blogs dedicated to the misuse of quotation marks, and I’m not trying to compete with them. But it appears they will not be running out of material anytime soon.

Why is it “real” and not just real?

If I had to put quotes around one word, I would have chosen Mexican. Because we have never seen any Mexicans in that restaurant, either working or eating.

Real “Mexican” Food sounds better, and is closer to the truth, than “Real” Mexican Food.

Worst of all is Real Mexican “Food”. Do not eat at that place.

The hot toy this year for Christmas seemed to be Zhu Zhu Pets.

In case you were not around small children at Christmastime this year, here are some pictures of Zhu Zhu Pets:

Their key features is that they make little nonsense noises while driving around randomly. Their noses are actually switches to detect if they bump into something. And if they do bump into something they back up and veer in another direction.

But those hamster toys are for kids.

The adult equivalent does not exist yet, but I am proposing Isuzu Pets.

You know you want one.

Just add a nose to the front of an Isuzu and you got yourself an Isuzu Pet. Of course, the nose would contain a switch that would shift the vehicle into reverse.

I didn’t have the time to add a fur texture to the body of the truck. I think that would have to be an option. Think of how well that would hold up in winter time. Or in the car wash.

I’m amused by an advertisement on the radio. It’s an ad for a certain medical clinic. (I’m not mentioning the name so as not to give them free ad space and because I can’t remember it right now.)

They want you to come visit their advanced facilities. They want you to get medical care there, because (they claim) they have the best doctors and equipment. They have the best treatment program for whichever conditions are their specialties.

Anyway, here’s (approximately) how the ad ends:

No program comes close to ours, and no program is better for you.

Let’s take it one section at a time, although they’re both related.

No program comes close to ours
That means that they’re only slightly better than nothing. In other words, their program is close to nothing.

No program is better for you.
That means that you are better off doing nothing than going to their clinic. In other words, I can use no program or I can use their program. They’re telling me that no program is a better choice, so I’ll go with no program.

Not quite what they had in mind, I bet.

I’ve started seeing this (or a similar) slogan other places, now that I’ve started looking for it – no (insert type of product) is better than ours is.

“But how should it be worded?” you may be wondering. Other people are wondering, “Why do you even care about this stuff?” Really, though, it doesn’t matter what you’re wondering. Here’s my recommendation: Use the word “other”. (i.e. No other program is better for you.) Not perfect, but it improves it.

Bad: No one can do what we do.
Good: No one else can do what we do.

I think you get the idea.

We have a troublesome tree, so I asked some tree service how much it would be to get rid of it.

Here is their bid:

What it says is
“Take down and put on ground $400” and
“Remove tree $300”

What they meant to say is that it will be $400 to take it down and then another $300 to remove the debris.

What I think should be written is this:
“Take down and put on ground $400” and
“Remove felled tree $300”

Otherwise, I could say that I don’t want them to put the tree on the ground – just remove it. Then I would pay only $300.

But, unfortunately, I learned earlier this week that mistakes or misunderstandings in quotes and bids are not legally binding.

So I can’t take them up on their offer to remove the tree without taking it down first.

I was enjoying my lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings last week, when my pleasant experience was interrupted by bad English.

No, not the band. Bad English in this case was a poorly-written menu.

Look at the phrase “alcoholic free lemonades”. Initially I was going to point out that your lemonade will not contain any drunk guys. And that’s still a valid point. I would prefer the term “alcohol-free lemonades” or “non-alcoholic lemonades”.

But “alcoholic free lemonade”? At least put a hyphen in there and make it “alcoholic-free lemonades”. As it is, it implies that if you are drunk, you get a free lemonade.

And it was at that point, when I was pondering the thought of free drinks for alcoholics, that I noticed there was a charge for the upgrade.

A-ha! The drink isn’t free – it costs you $0.75.

But wait – here’s your bonus section, it’s like two posts in one – it’s not really $0.75. It’s not even 75 cents. It is 0.75¢: 3/4 of a cent.

Noooooo! Menu writers of the world, please learn the difference between dollars and cents!!!

Otherwise, some wiseguy is going to come into your restaurant, give you a penny, and ask for a side salad. And legally, he’s right. You are offering (advertising) a side salad for .99¢

And you must fulfill the terms of your advertisements.

Look, I can substitute Buffalo Chips for half a penny.

I think boycotting BWW would be the wrong action here. I think the right action would be that everyone should go there and take advantage of their offers.

Bring a copy of the Federal Trade Commission Act which states that advertising must be truthful and non-deceptive, just in case they complain that they really meant whole cents not decimal cents.

Go to BWW and demand a side salad for 99/100 of a penny.

And ask for change.

We got a Publishers Clearing House mailing today.

What caught my attention was the “stamp” that said “DO NOT DISREGARD”.

I will certainly not disregard this mailing, dear Publishers Clearing House.

I will regard it with caution.

I will regard it with suspicion.

And then I will discard it.

But I will not disregard it.