Archive for the ‘Marketing’ Category

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First Churches

Feb

25

2016

In our town, we have a number of first churches – First Baptist, First Presbyterian, First Methodist, etc.

I understand the history of how that happened. Across the US, it’s a fairly common occurence.

But is it right?

I mean according to the Bible. In theory, these churches should want to follow the Bible, right?

And what does the Bible say about being first? Are Christians supposed to want to be first?

How about naming your church the Last Baptist Church? Wouldn’t that be more Christian?

Or maybe your church doesn’t care about that. Maybe it just wants to follow secular marketing principals. In that case, in order to stand out from the crowd of all the other First Presbyterian Churches, use the name Best Presbyterian Church. Not only is it different from the usual names, it is also promotional. And it is alphabetically earlier than all those First churches.

So the last shall be first, and the first last.

Matthew 20:16

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A Useless Ad

Feb

16

2016

I noticed an unusual ad on a website:

image of an online advertisement directing you to a 404 not found page

Why would you want to direct people to a page that doesn’t exist?

My guess is that some very popular site published a bad link. A bunch of people then tried to follow that link and got a 404 error. But the advertising algorithm saw a bunch of traffic for that page and, since it is probably programmed to push the more popular pages, thought it was popular enough that other people would want to see it.

I did not click on the link, but I bet enough people were curious enough to do so. And that only perpetuated the problem, because it continued the page’s popularity.

Here is how the ad appeared in mobile format:

image of an online advertisement directing you to a 404 not found page

Anyway, it provided me with a few minutes of entertainment.

Your strength will be spent uselessly, for your land will not yield its produce and the trees of the land will not yield their fruit.

Leviticus 26:20

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Consolation Prize

Dec

10

2015

This is related to our vacation, which was recapped on this blog.

One of the problems was that, due to the fault of the hotel, we had a problem buying lunch at the amusement park.

When I was talking to the guest services representative during the problem, trying to figure out how to get lunch, one of her suggestions was that I could buy a packet of meal coupons and have it charged to my room. I thought, but did not say, that a place with good customer service would have offered me free meal coupons to make up for how they inconvenienced me.

Since they did not offer that, and I don’t know that she was high enough up to be authorized to give away anything anyway, we ended up paying full price for our lunches. Which was what we were trying to do in the first place, but good businesses try to please the customer. If the customer is not pleased, what is he to do?

So the next morning, since we got back so late the day it happened, I went to the front desk with the hopes of getting either the meal prices refunded, or coupons for a free upcoming meal, or something. When I complained to the front desk, the lady there fixed the issue, thought about it for a second, then told me to wait right there until she came back.

I thought she was going to get some authorization or something, but she came back with a gift basket. Of course, being Hershey Lodge, it was a basket full of Hershey products. Although I was hoping for a free meal, I forgot to be disappointed and couldn’t help but smile at the sight of all that chocolate.

I think that’s why they do that.

photo of a gift box from Hershey Lodge

And I’m sure all that costs them less than the price of one meal, let alone the six meals that our family would have needed.

Here are the contents:

photo of a the items from a gift box from Hershey Lodge

A nice variety of items, and all the large sizes. But what they don’t want you to notice is this:

photo of an empty gift box from Hershey Lodge

Not to look a gift box in the mouth, but it looks piled high with chocolate when it’s full because the bottom of the box is about halfway up.

Still, I did enjoy the chocolate. But I don’t recommend relying on the hotel room key as your only money source when in Hershey Park.

Can I justify wicked scales And a bag of deceptive weights?

Micah 6:11

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All Horse

Aug

11

2015

I saw this pile of bags near a local barn:

image of a bag of all horse feed

Looked like horse feed. But not being very knowledgeable about horse feed, I didn’t quite know what to make of this label:

image of a bag of all horse feed

12% ALL HORSE

Not sure what that means. Is it all horse, or only 12% horse?

I wish they would make up their minds.

And they were bringing horses for Solomon from Egypt and from all countries.

2 Chronicles 9:28

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More Bonus

Jul

14

2015

I saw this on a bottle of something we had around the house:

image of a bottle of sunscreen that claimed to have +25% more bonus

There were a couple of things about this that amused me.

1. More bonus? Not more product?

What if the previous amount of bonus had been zero? Then you could legitimately claim just about anything, like 100% more bonus, and it would be true.

2. Why the plus sign? Are they trying to encourage positive feelings about their product?

Someone should try sneaking a minus sign in a claim just for fun. “-25% more bonus!” Of course, if the original bonus amount was zero, then it really doesn’t matter if the percentage is positive or negative.

And that is why punctuation is important. If it had said “+25% more! Bonus!” or “+25% more, bonus” or something to separate bonus so that it is not the object of the word more, then there would be an ambiguity here.

But then I wouldn’t have a fun topic for my blog post, so maybe it’s fine the way it is.

But if he should ever wish to redeem it, then he shall add one-fifth of it to your valuation.

Leviticus 27:13

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Microsoft -ync

Jun

2

2015

A while back, Microsoft partnered with Ford to create their Sync platform.

Recently, the computer people at work added Microsoft Lync to all our computers.

I’m beginning to see a trend here. I think the Microsoft naming department might be staffed by the same people who have been creating spelling variations for baby girl names – just find an existing word and replace the letter “i” with the letter “y” and you’re good.

I thought I’d propose some new product names for Microsoft. I’m not sure there will be much of a market for each of these products, but that’s their problem.

  • Microsoft Blync – not sure what this does, but it involves closing both of your eyes quickly.
  • Microsoft Clync – their version of a jail.
  • Microsoft Drync – in case you’re thirsty.
  • Microsoft Jynx – if two people use this product at the same time, it locks up until you contact customer support.
  • Microsoft Mync – their version of faux fur.
  • Microsoft Pync – in case they invent a bright new color
  • Microsoft Rync – where their hockey team plays, of course.
  • Microsoft Stync – perfume?
  • Microsoft Thync – mind-control device. No, not for controlling your mind – for you to use your mind to control other things.
  • Microsoft Wync – the half-price version of Blync.
  • Microsoft Zync – their proprietary metal alloy.

Any other product name suggestions? Or better uses for or descriptions of these names?

Dead flies make a perfumer’s oil stink, so a little foolishness is weightier than wisdom and honor.

Ecclesiastes 10:1

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Promotional VHS

May

14

2015

I found some promotional material for Cedarville University.

image of VHS tapes that promote Cedarville College and University

These VHS tapes are still wrapped in their original plastic. I’m sure they’re in good shape.

image of VHS tapes that promote Cedarville College and University

I have one from while it was still called Cedarville College and one from after the name change to Cedarville University.

I recognize some of these people from when I was there:

image of VHS tapes that promote Cedarville College and University

I also recognize that computer from the mid 1990s.

If you know anyone who might be interested in Cedarville but is stuck somewhere with only a VCR, let me know and I’ll see about having these tapes shipped to him.

For I give you sound teaching;
Do not abandon my instruction.

Proverbs 4:2

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