Car companies have given various names and labels to the parts of the car. Unfortunately, while those names may reflect the intended use of the part, they don’t necessarily reflect the real-world function.
Here is a handy guide that re-labels the items in a car with what they actually mean:
- Activate the high-beam switch in order to summon oncoming traffic
- Step on the gas pedal in order to induce the car in front of you to brake
- Step on the brake pedal in order to engage the tail-gating abilities of the car behind you
- Activate the turn signal in order to eliminate any spaces between cars near you
Bonus Item
- Turn off the wipers in order to cause the car passing you to hit a puddle
Any other things in your car that need disclaimers for their side effects?
And he summoned one of the servants and began inquiring what these things could be.
Luke 15:26
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I don’t follow basketball much, but I hear a little bit about it as I listen to the news, traffic, weather, and sports during my commute. Every year, some people have complaints about the NBA lottery pick system. Why their draft can’t be like everyone else’s, I’m not sure.
But people were proposing changes to the lottery draft format. Most proposals are intended to curb the motivation for teams to lose on purpose in order to get a better draft. One proposal that I remember was to give more ping-pong balls to the non-playoff teams with the better records. That would decrease the incentive to lose, but that would be counter to the purpose of the draft – to help bad teams.
That whole sports-talk radio bit got me thinking as to other ways the NBA could run its draft. Here are my proposals, if they are intent on ignoring the simplest process of just basing it on record:
- Plinko
It would make as much sense as the current system, but be more entertaining. Make it a giant Plinko board, with the names of all the available draft picks at the bottom. They would have to have all the number combinations as separate ping-pong balls, instead of just 14 balls like they have currently. But then the commissioner just dumps all the balls at once and then it’s a race to the bottom!
- Silent Auction
Not as entertaining as Plinko, but perhaps some more drama possible. Instead of a certain number of ping-pong ball combinations, each team would get a certain number of Draft Bucks they could spend. Worse teams would get more Draft Bucks. I think this would work better if it applied to the whole draft, not just the first part. Then teams could overspend for one player if they wanted, at the expense of their second round. On second thought, this might be too much like a salary cap, and fans might want something different.
- White Elephant-Style
That’s right – stealing. The draft would occur with the best team going first and the worst team last. A team could draft anyone off the board, or steal a player who was drafted by an earlier team. The NBA would set limits on how many steals are allowed and such. Possibly confusing, but definitely more exciting.
Any other ideas for how to improve (or at least change) the NBA draft?
Saul said, “Cast lots between me and Jonathan my son.” And Jonathan was taken.
1 Samuel 14:42
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Now that the NFL is about done for the year, all those fantasy football leagues are but a memory.
I have not participated in any fantasy football leagues, but I think I should have, because fantasy is one of my favorite literary genres. Septimus Heap, Percy Jackson, Narnia, etc.
And that got me to thinking – why are none of the other literary genres involved?
We have fantasy football:
Why not sci-fi football?
(more…)
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I’ve been wondering what would happen if corn stalks could run for office:
Four more ears! Four more ears!
And then He will send forth the angels, and will gather together His elect from the four winds, from the farthest end of the earth to the farthest end of heaven.
Mark 13:27
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I wonder why this idea never became as popular as the penny-based idea:
Actually, let me modify that – only the first half of the sign was popular. Not many people took advantage of the second half of the sign.
For if you turn away from following Him, He will once more abandon them in the wilderness, and you will destroy all these people.
Numbers 32:15
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Whiteboards and dry-erase markers are a great idea.
But sometimes the colors don’t erase very well.
Then the board becomes hard to read, and the eraser is useless.
Some people might give up and just buy a new board.
But don’t do that. Keep going until the whiteboard is a complete mess.
(muddled whiteboard)
That’s when you buy my new product – the white whiteboard marker!
Now that board can be used again.
Keep using the white marker until
the board is fully white!
Then start the process all over again.
I wish I had an actual product available, but I don’t. Nothing here for you to buy.
He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, to him I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, and a new name written on the stone which no one knows but he who receives it.
Revelation 2:17
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Here are some things that popped into my mind during the last few weeks of running. When you’re running for a couple of hours with no headphones, you get a lot of time to think about various topics. The problem is remembering them later.
- Sand and stones work their way into my socks and shoes while I am running, but they never work their way out.
Someone should design socks with the fibers oriented upwards so that small objects that get into the socks get ratcheted out.
Although… maybe the problems is that my leg hairs are oriented downward, and that ratchets objects down.
Someone should conduct a study – do men with hairy ankles get more nuisance objects in their socks/shoes than men with shaved ankles?
Secondary study – do women get fewer nuisance objects in their socks/shoes than men?
Are there enough women with hairy ankles to conduct a third study?
- Track meet sprint events rely too much on reaction times for the overall times. Why do the runners have to wait for the gun to fire at some inconsistent time?
I propose that the starter’s gun is replaced by something more predictable, like the red-red-red-green light sequence found in drag racing and Mario Kart. Then the start wouldn’t be so surprising. Do you want to award the fastest runner or the runner with the best reaction time?
- Subdivisions should have different signs for different entrances.
It was disconcerting the first time this happened to me: I had been running for a while. I saw an entrance sign for a subdivision but didn’t think too much of it. I ran for another minute or two, saw the same sign, and wondered just how few steps I had taken during the last minute.
Have different signs. Rather than two signs that each say “Briarwood Villas”, have a “Briarwood Villas East” and “Briarwood Villas West” or something. That way I know I have made progress.
- I know some schools don’t allow kids to wear Heelies, but I haven’t seen a race that has banned them.
It would be fun to find a hilly course on smooth roads. Then you could sprint up a hill and coast down, sprint, coast, etc.
- If you see a guy running without a shirt, don’t assume he is trying to show off. Sure, there are some who are vain, but there are other guys who just have chafing issues.
On that note, here’s a public service announcement: I have heard the 3M brand Nexcare (active, waterproof edition) bandages stick better than the Band-Aid brand Clear Spots.
- And speaking of shirts… if you are reading this and you are in charge of ordering shirts for a race, please consider the old-fashioned long-sleeved T-shirt of good quality. It used to be that the local 5Ks would give the runners cotton short-sleeved T-shirts, and longer races (e.g. marathons and half marathons) would hand out long-sleeved cotton T-shirts.
Nowadays, every race hands out tech shirts, either long- or short-sleeved. The problem is that I have a dozen different shirts I can wear running, but only 2 or 3 that I can wear normally, going out and about like taking the kids to the zoo or going to the store or whenever you would normally wear a T-shirt.
I suppose I could wear a tech shirt out and about, but it seems a bit ostentatious to me. Plus some of them use such a thin fabric. That may be great for competing, but not watching football or whatever.
Race organizers: bring the pendulum back to the middle. Can some of you take the extra money you would have spent for tech fabric and just upgrade the quality of long-sleeve cotton shirt instead?
Thanks.
Those that are blind or fractured or maimed or having a running sore or eczema or scabs, you shall not offer to the Lord, nor make of them an offering by fire on the altar to the Lord.
Leviticus 22:22
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This is Alpha, the first-born, when he was 2YO.
This is Beta, the second-born, when he was about 2YO.
This is Gamma, the third-born, when he was about 18MO.
