Finish this sentence, please:
“I would like to write a book…”
What did you think? Maybe
- “…but I don’t have time.”
- “…but it’s too much work.”
- “…someday.”
Was it something like that?
If someone says that he would like to do something, that does not mean he has done that thing. Neither does it mean that he has started that thing. I think we can all agree on those basics.
Now to proceed to my social commentary…
In the past week or two, I heard a professional athlete issue an apology. (It might have been a celebrity – it doesn’t really matter since any given week will have someone in one or both of those categories issuing an apology.)
The apology started with this statement:
“I would like to apologize to”
and he continued to list entities such as the fans, the organization, his teammates, etc.
When his apology concluded, all he had done was state the people to whom he would like to apologize. At no point did he actually apologize.
My first thought when I hear someone say “I would like to apologize” is “then go ahead and apologize.”
The various awards in show business effect the same behavior – the recipient lists all the people he would like to thank, but at no point in his acceptance speech does he actually thank anyone.
People are too tentative. Maybe tentative is not the right word. How about proud? We don’t want to admit fault. Or we don’t want to admit that other people helped us get to where we are.
Or maybe people are getting used to hedging their bets in their speech. They don’t want to be called on something. They want to be able to explain away something if someone doesn’t like it. So they use hesitant terms. They add extra phrases that don’t need to be there if they know what you are saying and are confident in it.
I’ll give some pointers here for what I would like to hear in a public figure’s apology.
- DO NOT use the passive voice.
In other words, the passive voice should not be used. Nothing says “insincere apology” like the passive voice – it means you are not taking the blame.
This is now the correct place for me to insert a joke:
The bar was walked into by the passive voice.
- DO use the words “I’m sorry.”
Simple enough. “I was wrong” might be a sufficient substitute, but I would prefer it as an addition instead of a substitute.
- DO NOT direct the apology to particular people or groups
If you would like to apologize to someone in particular, you do that by talking directly to that person. You do not do that in a press conference.
You want to apologize to your teammates? Then tell them at the next team meeting. You want to apologize to the press? That’s when you call a press conference.
I will concede that you can use the press conference to apologize to fans, but I still hold that you should not mention them in the apology itself. The people to whom you want to apologize are the people hearing the apology.
- DO tell us how you will be taking responsibility.
If I got into a car accident, told the other guy “I take full responsibility for this mess” and then I just left, what good was my saying that I took responsibility for it?
What are you doing to take responsibility?
– Entering rehab?
– Paying restitution?
– Community service for the location that was affected?
That’s how we know you are serious.
I see that this post has become longer than my usual posts. And it may have been of a more controversial nature. If this blog has offended anyone, I would like to apologize for it…
…but I won’t.
And his ears were opened, and the impediment of his tongue was removed, and he began speaking plainly
Mark 7:35
This is Alpha, the first-born, when he was 2YO.
This is Beta, the second-born, when he was about 2YO.
This is Gamma, the third-born, when he was about 18MO.
