Archive for the ‘Ponder’ Category

Flowchart of Infant Decisions

Some of you may have ignored this post when you saw that the title contains the word flowchart. But that would mean that you’re not reading this, so why am I bothering to explain that?

Here is a flowchart that documents the three possible actions or behaviors of an infant along with the decisions he uses to get to those actions. How does a baby know what to do? Simple – he follows this handy guide.

flowchart of an infant's decisions among sleeping, crying, and eating

I do wonder how a baby knows the difference between rocking while standing and rocking while sitting. I contemplate the answer to that question around 3:00 or 4:00 AM, while walking around with the baby. Not only how does he know the difference, but also why he doesn’t like sitting.

Transcript (although it’s hard to type a flowchart in plain text) :
Start
Am I hungry?
Am I being fed?
Am I being held?
Are we walking?
Sleep
Cry
Eat

The lot is cast into the lap, But its every decision is from the LORD.

Proverbs 16:33

Helpful Pet

Some of you may recall that my wife and I like things that are no- or low-maintenance. That’s why I sold my lawn mower and pay the neighbor to mow my lawn.

There is an easier solution: have someone else do all the maintenance work.

Normally, that would entail hiring a handyman or some service. But it turns out that’s not necessary. There is a special breed of pet (a cat of course, because cats are better than dogs) that will handle all the work for you.

And you can get this pet at Costco.

Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture I took at our Costco:

picture of a bag of maintenance cat

It clearly says “Maintenance Cat”.

It also says “Super Premium”. Maybe the normal variety of maintenance cat is somewhat lazy and does sloppy work.

Just don’t view the full-size version to see the context.

then hear in heaven their prayer and their supplication, and maintain their cause.

1 Kings 8:45

Watch Your Phraseology

Sometimes people don’t think about what they’re saying. They just repeat a phrase they’ve heard and it gets ingrained in the language.

Because I take things literally most of the time, I’ve noticed that some phrases don’t really mean at face value what they’re intended to mean. Without further ado, I present to you
Phrases that Need Correcting:

It is better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.

Wrong – it is easier to ask forgiveness afterward, but I disagree that it is better. Of course, “better” is subjective. It might be better in the eyes of the asker, not necessarily the askee. But still, it sounds like you think it might be wrong but you’re going to do it anyway.

About half the people use “better” and half use “easier”. If we could just gently steer the “better” people over to the “easier” camp, it might tip the scales to the correct side. Better yet, do the right thing and you won’t need to use this phrase to try to justify your actions.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result.

No, that is a possible example of insanity, but not the definition of insanity. There are plenty of insane people who don’t do that.

Plus, I work in the software industry. There are plenty of times where something fails only once out of dozens of times. So sometimes we repeat tests over and over, expecting a different result. And you know what? We do get a different result.

Whatever doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger

Stuff and nonsense. It is entirely possible that something will make you weaker. And it is possible that something will leave you unchanged – you are neither stronger nor killed.

The problem with this phrase is that no timeline is given. Eventually, the person will die and then the other person can see “See?” The other problem with this phrase is that it reminds me of antibiotics.

I know this saying is just intended to provide motivation. I doubt it was meant to convey truth. But the problem is that people keep repeating it. And if you repeat something often enough, people will believe it.

Say it with me: if you repeat something often enough, people will believe it.

Again.

You got it now? Okay. Good.

Umm…now where was I? Oh yes, don’t believe this phrase.

Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

Really?

Really?!?!

Have you ever actually thought about what you’re saying there?

My standard response to that is “I’ve heard it’s fun being run over by a semi truck.”

Their response: “That’s ridiculous.”

My response back: “No, you’re supposed to try it first before you say that.”

Of course you should try new things when possible. But that doesn’t mean you can’t evaluate something based on second-hand information. You can extrapolate some experiences into others. Your mind was meant to handle that task.

How’d you sleep?

My standard answer: “Like this!” (while I tilt my head to one side, close my eyes, and pretend to snore. Because that is how I slept.)

I think it should be “How well did you sleep?”

It is a trustworthy statement deserving full acceptance

1 Timothy 4:9

Mini Anderson

We were on our way somewhere the other week (how’s that for vague?) and we were behind a Mini Cooper.

photo of license plate Anderson on a Mini Cooper

We don’t watch TV news. Nor do we have satellite or cable or anything else fancy. So I don’t know much about Anderson Cooper. I couldn’t even pick him out of a lineup. It was nice of him to have his car personalized so I could tell when he drove by.

But from those who were of high reputation (what they were makes no difference to me; God shows no partiality)–well, those who were of reputation contributed nothing to me.

Galatians 2:6

Employees Please

Last week, I was in an area store. I was with some of the family, and they wanted me to buy some things. In general, I like to please people. And if those people are my offspring, then I definitely want them to be happy.

But while we were walking through the store, discussing what I could buy to please them, I noticed that pleasing my family was forbidden.

photo of sign saying to Please Employees Only

If that’s not what the store meant, then that’s a bad sign. Perhaps they could use some punctuation. Or perhaps they could use complete sentences, but that also would require punctuation.

There are a number of ways they could have written that sign better:

  • Please, employees only
  • Employees only, please
  • For employees only
  • If you are not employed here, do not use this ladder

Now all the people took note of it, and it pleased them, just as everything the king did pleased all the people.

2 Samuel 3:36

New Power Generation

I have a plan to save you money on electricity, and it was inspired by a faucet.

It was one of them fancy turn-it-on-by-waving-your-hands-in-front-of-it faucets. But most of those faucets take batteries. This one does not require batteries, nor does it plug into the wall outlet.

Did I mention that the faucet costs $711? Not $7.11, but $711.00! And that’s the cheap one! The expensive one is $1480!

That’s because there is a generator inside each faucet – a miniature generator that produces the electricity that the faucet needs to run. And the generator gets its power from the water pressure at the faucet.

I am here to propose a home-based power generation plan. People these days are talking about adding solar panels to their roofs or building windmills to generate electricity. But that’s a waste of money. The problem with those is that you don’t always have sunshine and you don’t always have wind blowing.

But you do always have water pressure from the local municipality. Water originates from the main line at point A and ends up at your sink, point B

Normal Water Lines

diagram of using normal house water pressure

If you want to cut your electric bills, then the most cost-effective method is to install a water-turbine generator in your house.

Water Lines with One Generator

diagram of using house water pressure to generate electricity

If you want to cut your bills even further, then you can install two generators and a water tank. Put the water tank as high as you can (accounting for losses from the first turbine). Now re-route the water lines so that the incoming water goes through the first turbine and into the tank. Install the second turbine between the tank and the faucets. Now you get double the electricity! At the cost of lower water pressure, of course.

Water Lines with Two Generators

diagram of using house water pressure to generate electricity

In case you’re wondering when I am going to implement this: I am on well and septic. If I did this, I would be using electricity to pump water to generate electricity. Maybe someone else can let me know how it goes.

Aaron and his sons shall wash their hands and their feet from it;

Exodus 30:19

And You Give Yourself Away

What did people give away before iPads?

iPods

What did people give away before iPods?

Who knows?

Where would Apple’s business be without surveys and raffles and publicity-grabbing ads (“Visit our store for a chance to win an iPad!”)?

And where would the raffle/giveaway business be without Apple products?

I’m sure we could survive without either of those businesses. They do have a nice symbiotic relationship going though –
with or without you.

And he began to give them his attention, expecting to receive something from them.

Acts 3:5