Archive for 2010

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

Enroll Now

Nov

9

2010

It’s that time of year again. Frost covers the ground in the mornings before the sun melts it away. The trees have lost all their leaves. Fall is officially on its way out.

That means it’s time to enroll in the annual employee benefit selection.

Every year, around this same time, I get to choose my insurance levels (medical PPO or HMO? short- or long-term disability? vision? dental? etc.) I usually just verify that they remembered my selections from last year and call it good.

This year though, there was a EULA. I had to agree to some terms before I could enroll.

I, of course, couldn’t help but find two things wrong with the “agreement”.

First, here is the agreement (click for the full-size version):

picture of a poorly worded enrollment agreement

First Wrong Thing

picture of a poorly worded enrollment agreement

It says “I have reviewed my 2011 annual enrollment materials and have completed my 2011 elections online.”

Reviewed my enrollment materials – okay, no problem, I agree.

Have completed my 2011 elections online – problem. This was on the web page that was going to let me start the 2011 elections online. How am I supposed to agree that I have completed the elections before I can start the elections?

I don’t even know what they could have intended.

Other Wrong Thing

The perspective. The voice. The point of view. Whatever it is, let’s make it consistent.

picture of a poorly worded enrollment agreement

Am I doing the agreeing? Or are you?

I agree that I understand…
or
I agree that you understand…

I counted 10 paragraphs/statements in the agreement. There are 6 that call me “You” and 4 that call me “I”.

Just pick a pronoun for the employee and stick with it.

That’s all for now, unless you see something else in there.

As for the agreement of which you and I have spoken, behold, (B)the LORD is between you and me forever.

1 Samuel 20:23

Posted in Life | No Comments »

Family Conversations, Part 13

Nov

8

2010

Here are three conversation snippets from the last month or so. It might give you a good idea of how things are around here.

Bad Crayons

Wife, while we were waiting for our food at a restaurant: If only he used his crayons for good

That Gamma is one busy boy. We have to watch him a lot more carefully than we did the other two. My favorites are the restaurants that just cover their tables in a gigantic sheet of paper so that it doesn’t matter if the kids don’t stay on the place-mat/menu. This was not one of those restaurants.

Loose Parts

Me: Beta, do you have any loose teeth?
Beta: No, but my eye is loose.

I think it wasn’t actually loose, but I didn’t wiggle it because I didn’t want to find out.

A Salami Idea

Here’s one half of a conversation.

Me: I bet it would, but no, we are not going to find out if salami can stick to walls.

I’ll let you figure out the other half.

You have heard that it was said, ‘ AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.’

Matthew 5:38

Posted in Conversations | 6 Comments »

No Blog is Better

Nov

4

2010

I’m amused by an advertisement on the radio. It’s an ad for a certain medical clinic. (I’m not mentioning the name so as not to give them free ad space and because I can’t remember it right now.)

They want you to come visit their advanced facilities. They want you to get medical care there, because (they claim) they have the best doctors and equipment. They have the best treatment program for whichever conditions are their specialties.

Anyway, here’s (approximately) how the ad ends:

No program comes close to ours, and no program is better for you.

Let’s take it one section at a time, although they’re both related.

No program comes close to ours
That means that they’re only slightly better than nothing. In other words, their program is close to nothing.

No program is better for you.
That means that you are better off doing nothing than going to their clinic. In other words, I can use no program or I can use their program. They’re telling me that no program is a better choice, so I’ll go with no program.

Not quite what they had in mind, I bet.

I’ve started seeing this (or a similar) slogan other places, now that I’ve started looking for it – no (insert type of product) is better than ours is.

“But how should it be worded?” you may be wondering. Other people are wondering, “Why do you even care about this stuff?” Really, though, it doesn’t matter what you’re wondering. Here’s my recommendation: Use the word “other”. (i.e. No other program is better for you.) Not perfect, but it improves it.

Bad: No one can do what we do.
Good: No one else can do what we do.

I think you get the idea.

They speak mere words, With worthless oaths they make covenants; And judgment sprouts like poisonous weeds in the furrows of the field.

Hosea 10:4

Posted in Marketing | No Comments »

Husbands and Wives – Dinner Help

Nov

2

2010

Here’s another hypothetical situation for you to ponder.

Wife, working in the kitchen with a toddler clinging to her leg and crying, to husband: “If you want to eat dinner, please come get your son.”

Quiz:
What should the husband’s response be?
A. No thanks, I’m not hungry.
B. He looks fine to me.
C. Sure, I’ll be right there.

Answer:
If you need me to tell you the answer, you are not ready to be married.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”

Genesis 2:18

Posted in Life | 3 Comments »

All Saints’ Day

Nov

1

2010

Today we are celebrating Saints’ Day.

That’s right, today is the 44th anniversary of the New Orleans Saints. And that was quite a game they had yesterday, beating the Steelers, so they really can celebrate.

Oh, and we went trick-or-treating yesterday. Although we shouldn’t really call it that because I think our kids never said that phrase once. I don’t care if they don’t say that, but I did make them say “thank you” at least.

Anyway, here are our boys’ costumes:

Alpha:

picture of a stormtrooper costume for Halloween

A Stormtrooper, of course.

Beta:

picture of a Luke Skywalker costume for Halloween

Luke Skywalker, which is hard to tell and people guessed everything from Darth Maul to the Emperor. Beta was getting annoyed that no one could tell he was Luke. It’s a BLUE lightsaber, people! That means he’s a good guy! I’m not sure either, but I think it’s the Luke from Jabba’s palace.

Gamma:

picture of a Yoda costume for Halloween

Everybody loved Yoda. Next time, though, I need to carry him on my back while I wear a sleeveless tunic thing.

And here are some nieces and nephews:

Ugly Doll:

picture of an Ugly Doll costume for Halloween

Bowser:

picture of a Bowser costume for Halloween

Captain Rex:

picture of a Captain Rex costume for Halloween

Sleeping Beauty:

picture of a Sleeping Beauty costume for Halloween

The Stormtrooper, Yoda, and Captain Rex were store-bought. Everything else was hand-made.

As for the saints who are in the earth, They are the majestic ones in whom is all my delight.

Psalm 16:3

Posted in Family | 1 Comment »

PSALM 4

Oct

27

2010

Now it is time for another PSALM.

The boys got a Lego Star Wars set for their birthdays, and this is how the set looks and what it does (except for the green plate – we had that already).

This is the Clone Walker Battle Pack 8014. See the walker in action! Watch it move!

(It’s a big file, so you might have to click to view it. That way it doesn’t slow down the whole blog)

(more…)

Posted in Fun | 3 Comments »

First Sentences

Oct

26

2010

Gamma said his first sentence yesterday: “Throw hat”

My wife called me from the store. She said when she went to get him out of his car seat, he threw his hat and then said “throw hat”. He wasn’t mad – he just wanted to throw his hat.

Contrast that with Beta’s first sentence multi-word phrase: “Momma’s spoon“.

He might not have had the apostrophe and ‘s’ in there, but he meant it. We were at the dinner table. He picked up my wife’s silverware, held up the spoon, and said “Momma spoon”.

There was no throwing involved.

And Alpha? No one can remember his first sentence. He was very good with his speech from the beginning. And maybe we, as new parents, didn’t know to remember the transition from single words to multiple words.

In case you’re wondering, the first words for each were:

  • Alpha: “Uh-oh” (said whenever anybody dropped anything)
  • Beta: “Ba” (it meant ‘ball’ and ‘bottle’ and maybe some other things too. I think ‘ball’ came first)
  • Gamma: “Momma” (said just about all the time, for just about anything)

Then He said, “Throw it on the ground.” So he threw it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from it.

Exodus 4:3

Posted in Family | 1 Comment »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »