Travel Conversation
For this to make sense, you should know that our kids call my mom “Nanoo” and you should also know that Beta has the bad habit of biting his fingernails. He is always doing that, which means that his fingernails are measured in negative length. It’s bad, and we encourage him to stop.
The Scene: our minivan
We are travelling with the grandparents to a local destination, and Nanoo is riding in the back with Alpha and Beta.
Beta: I’m picking my nose!
Me: Nanoo, you’re in charge of stopping that.
Nanoo: Okay – Beta, don’t do that. Bite your nails instead.
Me: Nanoo, you’re not in charge anymore.
Exploding Stomach
The Scene: Alpha just finished eating a foot-long sub.
Alpha: I feel like exploding
Beta: Okay, explode!
Alpha, waving his arms: Boom!
Beta: No, exploding means throwing up.
You can tell we had just gone through some flu-like symptoms in the family.
The Kinds of Love
The Scene: the dinner table, where I have just warned the children that their food is hot. Spicy hot.
Me: There are two kinds of hot: temperature hot and spicy hot.
Astute Child: And there’s the L-O-V-E kind of hot too.
Me: Umm, yes.
pause
Me: Anyway, that food’s a little spicy, so take a small bite first.
I don’t know what to say to that, other than do not assume that TV programs or commercials will go over your children’s heads. We don’t watch much TV, and we filter the commercials when necessary, and this stuff still slips through.
You whose garments are hot, When the land is still because of the south wind?
Job 37:17
Posted in Conversations | 6 Comments »
My Own Skates
My parents took us out for my birthday. We went to dinner and I picked out my present. Since Beta likes to ice skate, I’ve taken him a few times. He has his own skates, but I always had to rent mine.
Until now.
I have my own skates. I don’t need to wait in line at the rental counter. I no longer need to give them my shoes as collateral. And I won’t be worried that I get the rental skates with the one shoelace that’s too short. I am free!
Well, somewhat free. I still have to pay the admission fee.
(more…)
Posted in Life | 2 Comments »
Somewhere, in a secret location below the streets of New York, the nation’s telemarketing executives plan their next move…
“The average citizen is on to our plan to disguise our caller ID.”
“They’re not falling for the caller ID where we list just a city anymore.”
“They’re not answering when we block the caller ID so they can’t tell who it is.”
“What can we do?”
“I got it! We can use caller ID to tell them they must answer the phone.”
No, I didn’t answer.
It turned out to be a reminder from the doctor’s office about an upcoming appointment. They must use a calling service that handles a number of different clients, so they keep their caller ID generic – a little too generic I think.
If they had the caller ID display the name of the hospital or doctor’s office, more people would answer. But it’s just a recording anyway, so no one’s offended if you don’t answer.
In summary, we had a recording leaving a recording. Eventually, all the machines will talk to each other and leave the people out of it altogether. That’s fine with me if it means that I don’t have to answer any phones.
Let them bring forth and declare to us what is going to take place; As for the former events, declare what they were, That we may consider them and know their outcome. Or announce to us what is coming;
Isaiah 41:22
Posted in Marketing | 8 Comments »
I’ve already listed tips to be prepared for a trip to the maternity ward. But what about after the baby has been born? That’s what today’s list will cover.
- Pack a zip-up fleece or warm sweatshirt. And warm socks. They keep those rooms pretty cold. These items are not for you – they are for your wife. And it must be a zip-up shirt thingy. The pullover types do not play nicely with the IV lines.
- Don’t get flowers before you go to the hospital, but do get them before she leaves the hospital. The sooner after the baby is born, the better. One trick is that, since the hospital doesn’t feed the dad, you have to go out and get your own meal. While you’re out getting your food, buy some flowers and bring them back to the room. With some extra fries.
- Make sure your wife has her own pillow. The hospital pillows are not comfortable. If you’re going to sleep on the rocking chair or couch or whatever furniture the hospital has in the recovery room, then make sure you take your own pillow too.
- Don’t forget the baby’s name. This is not a problem for the first child, but I kept calling Delta by Gamma’s name. I have corrected this by calling all my children “Buddy”.
And one more thing:
- Right after the baby is born, it’s best to focus your attention on the baby. Get some pictures, etc. You really do not want to see what the doctor is doing anymore.
Any other things for dads to know about post-delivery?
I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure.
2 Corinthians 11:27
Posted in Life | 2 Comments »
Some of you may have been wondering how Biggy the fish is doing.
Let me correct that to “how Biggy the fish was doing”.
He lasted about one more week than the other fish, so about two weeks total.
The kids were not distraught at all. They think that’s what fish are for – bring them home and check each day if they’re floating or swimming.
I came home from work one day and was greeted by “He’s floating!” I noted somewhere in my head that I would need to scoop him out and throw him away (I’m not stocking our septic tank with fish).
And then I got distracted by more important tasks
…for a few days.
When Beta asked me why Biggy’s eyes were turning white, I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer.
So now we are the proud owners of…
an empty fish tank.
And we would like to keep it that way for a while.
The fish that are in the Nile will die, and the Nile will become foul, and the Egyptians will find difficulty in drinking water from the Nile.
Exodus 7:18
Posted in Mishaps | 2 Comments »
Much of the discussion about being socially responsible relates to corporations’ actions. (e.g. “What can this company do to improve its social responsibility?”)
But what about personal social responsibility? Why is that not a larger topic?
Here is a list of some things I see as what a socially responsible person does. I will attempt to instill these in my children as parts of a civilized society. This is just what people are supposed to do. These are not necessarily rules, but I know I would rather live in a community where these were practiced more often than not.
- Look at the person to whom you are speaking
- Cover your mouth when coughing or sneezing
- Offer your chair to the elderly (or to a lady if you’re a gentleman)
- Address elders as Mr., Mrs., or Sir, Ma’am
- Say please, thank you, and you’re welcome
- Use a salutation or valediction when meeting or departing from someone (say hello or good-bye)
- Be able to apologize
- Chew with your mouth closed
- Say excuse me when appropriate
- Hold doors open for others
- Find the end of the line and wait in it
- Watch your language
- Ladies should be served before gentlemen
- Offer to help if you see someone in need
In the old days, these things were known as manners or maybe even common courtesy. I guess they fell out of favor and need a new buzzword (i.e. social responsibility) to become popular again.
Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.
Luke 6:31
Posted in Life | 5 Comments »
Some of you may have ignored this post when you saw that the title contains the word flowchart. But that would mean that you’re not reading this, so why am I bothering to explain that?
Here is a flowchart that documents the three possible actions or behaviors of an infant along with the decisions he uses to get to those actions. How does a baby know what to do? Simple – he follows this handy guide.
I do wonder how a baby knows the difference between rocking while standing and rocking while sitting. I contemplate the answer to that question around 3:00 or 4:00 AM, while walking around with the baby. Not only how does he know the difference, but also why he doesn’t like sitting.
Transcript (although it’s hard to type a flowchart in plain text) :
Start
Am I hungry?
Am I being fed?
Am I being held?
Are we walking?
Sleep
Cry
Eat
The lot is cast into the lap, But its every decision is from the LORD.
Proverbs 16:33
Posted in Ponder | 3 Comments »
This is Alpha, the first-born, when he was 2YO.
This is Beta, the second-born, when he was about 2YO.
This is Gamma, the third-born, when he was about 18MO.
