Just a few random thoughts this morning, related to some aspects of parenthood.
- It’s fun to go out in the yard with the kids and play catch. But to get to that point, you have to play many games of throw.
- For many people, daylight saving time is a chance for an extra hour of sleep. But for parents of small children, DST is a chance for an extra hour of playtime in the morning. Those kids don’t care what the clock says. Whether that’s good or bad depends on your attitude.
- Once you’ve successfully completed the task of clipping an infant’s pinkie toenails, you can try something less stressful – like open-heart surgery.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth.
How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed When they speak with their enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127:4-5
Posted in Life | 4 Comments »
I know he’s kind of stuck with his name, but he could switch if he wanted to.
Thus says the LORD of hosts, ‘Behold, I am going to save My people from the land of the east and from the land of the west;
Zechariah 8:7
Posted in Humor | 2 Comments »
Although I haven’t obtained it yet, I’m thinking there must be a template for disaster news stories.
Think of it as Mad Libs for reporters.
Picture a TV reporter, covering a news story in the field. “Field” as in “not the studio”, not “field” as in “farm”.
Another _____ has struck the area. Damage was minimal, but residents aren’t taking any chances.
Are there really more _____ occurring, or just more reported because of today’s ease of communication?
Dr. _____, an expert in the field of _____, said “We have seen a slight increase in these cases over the last _____ years, but it hasn’t been enough to classify as a trend. We’ll have to keep observing.”
Stay tuned to action news _____ for important updates on this story.
Now therefore, behold, the LORD has put a deceiving spirit in the mouth of these your prophets, for the LORD has proclaimed disaster against you.
2 Chronicles 18:22
Posted in Ponder | 1 Comment »
Husband Tip:
If you find an empty container of chocolate ice cream in the bathroom trash can, do not ask any questions.
Father Tip:
If you’re teaching your young son about baseball, make sure one of the things he’s taught early on is that to tag a runner, he must be holding the ball – no throwing it at the runner to get him out. Especially if you’re the runner.
Husband Tip:
If your wife writes “LOL butter” on the grocery list, do not audibly laugh at the dairy aisle. People will stare. Instead, just grab some Land O’ Lakes and proceed to the next item.
When my steps were bathed in butter, And the rock poured out for me streams of oil!
Job 29:6
Posted in Mishaps | 4 Comments »
This one’s a little longer than usual, but these puns required a bit more setup.
If you want the image to be slightly larger, you can click on it to load the full-size version. If you get a magnifying-glass cursor, click again.
Transcript:
(Two reporters on TV)
A: Welcome to another edition of the Feud Network Challenge.
B: We’re in the village of Great Barton for their annual Tall Pub Competition.
A: That’s right, every year the citizens here have 5 days to construct temporary pubs. The pub that can serve the judges at the highest altitude wins the prize.
B: You can say they’re really raising the bar here!
Narrator: The meals for the judges must be prepared at the same height that they are served. This year, the requirement is a T-bone or porterhouse for the main dish.
A: And what’s more, the prize money has been doubled from last year.
B: Yes – the steaks have never been higher!
A: This just in – the rules committee is deciding on a change. The competition, with the buildings partially constructed, is postponed indefinitely.
B: Oh no! This means things will be up in the air for a while.
A: Ow! My stomach hurts!
B: What was the last thing you ate?
A: The only thing I’ve had recently was an awful breath mint after drinking something out of that cask over there.
B: We’ll have to cut the show short today. My co-host is suffering from some horrible ale mint.
They do not drink wine with song; Strong drink is bitter to those who drink it.
Isaiah 24:9
Posted in Humor | 5 Comments »
Here’s some more schoolwork. They asked for a pattern, and Alpha found one.
That’s my boy!
Tip: If you’re putting together a classroom assignment, aim for directions that are more specific rather than vague. Ask the question that you really want answered. “Describe a numerical pattern that you see.” might have been better than “What patterns do you see in the chart?”
If I were me, I would have gone with “All the numbers end in 0”.
All this,” said David, “the LORD made me understand in writing by His hand upon me, all the details of this pattern.
1 Chronicles 28:19
Posted in Life | 3 Comments »
Specifically, things not to feed a child who is not potty trained.
Alternate title: how to make enemies in the church nursery
I don’t like potty humor, except for maybe this one case. But parenthood brings you into certain situations that you wouldn’t discuss otherwise.
Today is such a case.
It’s for a public service, though, not a cheap laugh. I know there is at least one new father who reads this blog, and there are things he might want to know so he doesn’t have to learn the hard way. In order to bring him up to speed, I am publishing this list of foods to avoid giving your child if you will be changing his diaper within the subsequent 24 hours.
- Blue Moon ice cream
- Corn
- Blueberries
- Spinach
- Chili
Apparently the color blue is not easily digested.
And I wonder why we even eat corn since it appears to not be used at all by the body. Surely there must be a better use of one’s energy than eating and attempting to digest corn. Unless maybe it is just exercise.
Parents who have gone through the diaper-changing phase:
Any other foods to avoid?
He said, “Behold, I have heard that there is grain in Egypt; go down there and buy some for us from that place, so that we may live and not die.”
Genesis 42:2
Posted in Food | 4 Comments »
This is Alpha, the first-born, when he was 2YO.
This is Beta, the second-born, when he was about 2YO.
This is Gamma, the third-born, when he was about 18MO.
