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My opinion has been that Brave New World was much more on point than 1984, yet for some reason 1984 got all the press and is the default example of dystopia.

After the election results of yesterday, I am beginning to think that Lord of the Flies is a more appropriate analogy to today. Just think of it – my state just legalized a psychoactive drug. I’m trying to live peacefully in my little part of the island, and the other kids are running around crazily and messing everything up. When are the adults going to show up and restore order?

Okay, maybe it’s not that bad. But it certainly isn’t good. I’m not going to rehash (haha) all the arguments around the legalization debate here. It’s bad enough that the vape store opened up a block away from our middle school, now my parenting trek is even more uphill with the passage of this proposal.

I’m hoping that it doesn’t take as long for society to recognize the problems of smoking cannabis as it did to recognize the problems of smoking tobacco. Tobacco was popular for quite some time before people came to their senses and got a number of restrictions enacted. Related side note: my kids will never experience the standard procedure that I grew up with to ask for a non-smoking table when walking into a restaurant. Back in my day…

Anyway, that’s enough rambling for now. If the mobs start acting up, just spray some more soma at them.

I had another post lined up, but I realized this publication date happens to be a holiday – Reformation Day. It is when kids get dressed up and go door to door handing out their lists of grievances against the church, or something like that.

In case you’re wondering, the kids’ costumes of choice this year are a ninja, a mummy, Ranger’s Apprentice, and a traffic cone.

I noticed some things on my recent visit to Germany.

• They really like carbonation.
  If you don’t specify how you want your non-alcoholic drink, it will be fizzy. Mit bubbles.

  Even water.

  If you ask for water, chances are good you’ll get sparkling water. Ask for still water. Shtill vasser.

• They don’t know what lemonade is.
  I ordered a lemonade at a restaurant, because it was on the menu. The “lemonade” came clear and sparkling so I was suspicious, but it had a lemony taste.

  I tried again at the next restaurant:
  “Laymonaddeh, bitteh”
  “Sprite or 7Up?”
  “What…?”
  (my German colleagues try explaining. I should have switched my order to iced tea, but I was so flabbergasted trying to reconcile calling a Sprite a lemonade that I think I ordered a Sprite. Have I mentioned I do not like carbonation?)

  After the waiter left, I explained to my German colleagues what lemonade is – water, squeezed lemons, and sugar. They were amused, as no one around there drinks that. Then they showed me the Bitter Lemon drink that they were familiar with and I had never seen before.

• They don’t eat much chicken.
  It’s the opposite of the United States. Here, every restaurant has chicken and few have ham or pork. There, every restaurant has ham or pork and few have chicken.
• They don’t use top sheets.
  This one could be a European thing. But your hotel bed comes with a comforter/duvet thing and a pillow. A fitted sheet covers the mattress, but you’re either hot with the comforter or cold without it.
• They are friendly and just about everyone knows English.
  We were hard-pressed to find someone there who did not speak English.
• They regard Switzerland as we Michiganders regard Ohio.
  The Swiss know you’re not from there and are very strict about traffic tickets.

  Also, the higher speeding tickets will cost you 1-, 2-, or 3-months salary.

Germany is a fine place to visit. Roads are nice, cars are nice – there was only one car I remember seeing with rust on it. It was memorable because it was such a contrast to the other cars.

Yes, I did go on the Autobahn and made it over 100mph for a short time. There was too much traffic around, and that prevented any other attempts.

Last thing to note – I always pictured Germany as being very old, much older than the US. And that is true for the regions, but Germany the country was formed around the time of the US civil war. So it is a young country, and now I know who and where the Prussians were.

Some Wife’s iPhone 6 was having trouble charging. It would connect just fine, but it either wouldn’t charge or it would lose its charge very quickly. We had a Saturday afternoon without the kids, so we went to the phone store.

“Hello, how can I help you?”
“Her phone’s not charging, can you check it?”
“No, you’ll have to go to the Apple store for that.”
“Okay, thanks.”

We drove over to the Apple store, which is in the middle of the fancy mall a few miles from the phone store.

Never having been to the Apple store before, I had higher expectations based on what I’ve heard (or at least seen in ads).

We were greeted pretty quickly, but since we were there for diagnosing a problem, we were directed to a line which seemed like it wrapped halfway around the inside of the store. I bet if we had said we wanted to buy something, we would have been helped right away.

After waiting in the line for a while, we made it to the front, where we were asked again what our problem was and we were directed to a waiting table, of which there were a few.

While we waited at the table, we wondered how many other waiting areas we would have to go through before we were actually helped.

After waiting at the table for another long while, we were helped by some guy (no, not me, this guy is lowercase). He asked us what the problem was, we explained that we plug it in to charge and it connects but doesn’t charge, and he wanted to check it out on his fancy shmancy equipment – a cord he knows works well. So he plugged in her phone and said he’d be back in 5 minutes to see how it was.

After those 5 minutes more, during which the phone went from about 10% charged to 8% charged, he came back and thought maybe the charging port was clogged with lint. I had that problem a few months back with my phone, and I knew that debris in the charge port causes the cord not to connect to the phone (i.e. the phone doesn’t display the lightning bolt next to the battery symbol). But I figured it’s best to let him work through the process he needs to follow.

He cleaned the port, making sure to save the lint on a piece of tape so we can see that he accomplished something. Then he plugged in the phone and we waited a few more minutes, during which the phone lost some more charge.

He came back, noted the lost charge, and concluded that her iPhone 6 was broken in that the charging circuitry must be bad. He offered to fix it for $299, but at that price we might as well get a refurbished phone that’s right around that price, and if we were interested in that he could send over a sales agent.

“Why not?” we thought. “$299 is as decent a price as anywhere else, and we’re here already.”

So we had him send her over.

She came over, and the prices she starting talking about were 4 digits long. Then she came down, but the prices were still more than the last car I bought. Yes it functions, I just drove it yesterday to work and back.

“No thanks.”

Well, her phone was at 5% and was not charging. This was our one opportunity to go phone shopping and be able to discuss it in person. Normally one of us either stays home with the kids, or has to stick with the younger kids in the store so no damages occur and so we never get to discuss things.

We went back to the phone store. Their prices weren’t as bad as the Apple store, because they had a wider range of phones. But the salesman was helpful in that he mentioned that if we waited two weeks until Apple announced their next phone, all the prices of these existing phones would drop by $100 each.

Or, as another money-saving option, we could sign up for their TV service and that would knock the price down further.

“So I could pay $600 per year for TV in order to save $400 off the phone bill?”
“Well, yes.”
“No thanks.”

I think I didn’t get the numbers exactly right in this post, but the concept is correct – I would have to expend more money overall. The point isn’t the phone bill itself, but my expenses in general, Mr. Salesman.

We left, and Some Wife’s phone died completely before I could save her contacts list.

On the way back to the house, she called her mom (using my phone) and she (her mom) realized that she had an old iPhone 5 that she kept after she upgraded. We figured that would be an acceptable temporary measure until we agreed on what her new phone should be.

Upon arriving at their house, I plugged in the dead phone. I forget why. But oddly enough it started charging. We found the old iPhone 5 and charged it. We successfully reset that phone so that it was under our AppleId, so we had two functioning phones when we left there.

Her iPhone 6 has been working ever since. The battery loses charge faster than it used to, but she has a phone charger in the minivan so it hasn’t been a major problem. And Alpha is happy because he got to upgrade his iPhone 4 to an iPhone 5 (grandma’s old phone to him) and now it will run some apps that he couldn’t before.

Moral of the story: I plan on not visiting an Apple store ever again. When her iPhone 6 does die, we’ll get a used phone from somewhere else.

This post will be slightly different from the usual Conversations posts, because it’s things I overheard or were said to me during our vacation. I didn’t note who said what, just the things that were said.

The Scene – we are about to cross the street in Seattle : We must wait until it is safe. But who will save us?
The crosswalk sign changes from a red hand to a white figure : Yay! The white man has saved us!

I don’t know what they’re teaching these kids in social studies these days…

Some Wife : Well, it happens to the best of us…
Child : Like me!

No lack of self esteem in that one.

Some Wife : You don’t need to do that, he’s not highly contagious.
Child : Is he lowly contagious?

Child, counting the ridges on a potato chip : …8, 9, 10. This chip is 10 years old!

I think that might have been just after we saw the redwoods.

Child, after seeing a certain commercial : I don’t want that deodorant. It just says it fights odors all day. I want one that wins.

Child, after observing a senior citizen wearing long sleeves while we were all sweating in shorts : Old people don’t get hot in summer because their white hair reflects the heat.

Child 1 : What am I saying? Yanni, Yanni.
Everyone Else : Laurel, Laurel.
Child 1 : Arrrgh!! Why does nobody hear me!?!

Child 1 : You’re the best brother.
Child 2 : Thanks, you’re the best brother.

I suppose they could both be right.

Bonus Item
Child 1, smacking a random brother on the back with his open hand : 5-star rating!
Smacked Brother, annoyed : Da-aaaaad, he gave me a 5-star rating.

I’m going to blame that one on the public schools too.

I know I wrote “The End” for the last one, but that was for the travelogue-style blog. Anyone else go to travelogues when they were little?

This blog post is to recollect some of the aspects of the trip that didn’t get photos.

• Cleanliness
  As far as the cities went, I rank Monterey as the cleanest and Seattle as the dirtiest. Santa Cruz was in the middle. I left out Whitefish, MT because it is significantly smaller than the others, but it was quite clean as well.
• Shopping
  At Yellowstone National Park, go to the general store back by the snow lodge. Do not bother buying food or souvenirs at any of the official lodges.

  At Glacier National Park (west side), souvenir shopping is better at Lake McDonald Lodge than anywhere in Apgar Village (inside the park) or West Glacier (outside the park). West Glacier had a wider variety, but the quality was not as good.

• Train
  The Amtrak conductor announced every town or city we were passing through, ahead of time so we would know where to look and what to look for. It took a couple of cities before we realized that he announced that every city as “We are coming up to beautiful [insert city name], also known as the jewel of the northwest.” So now to me, all the cities in Washington are known as the jewels of the northwest.
• Bus Drivers
  There were some good people driving the buses. I don’t know about all of them, but the things that stood out were all positive.

  First bus driver: the Monterey-Salinas Transit bus driver from Monterey to San Jose. It was a two-hour bus ride, an express with very few stops. At one of the stops, Gamma had to go to the bathroom. The only problem was it was a place with no public bathrooms. So she went a few blocks and pulled to the curb near a McDonalds and let us run in there. Gamma appreciated it, but I think not as much as my wife and I appreciated it.

  Second bus driver: the Seattle public transit driver. We were taking her bus from our hotel to a second bus, and that second bus to the train station. So we had all our luggage and naturally looked very touristy. The problem (that we didn’t know was a problem) was that the transfer to the other bus was in the middle of no-man’s-land – somewhere near Pioneer Square where it is nothing but homeless guys.

  When we started to leave – before we even got off the bus – she asked us if we were in the right spot. I explained we were getting on the other bus. She told us that the other bus was down in the transit tunnel, and that to get there we had to go around the corner then down the stairs. We thanked her and set off. The “around the corner” was literally just the next building, but we glanced back and she was watching us, not leaving the bus stop, to make sure we made it with no problem.

  I’m guessing that if it were evening instead of late morning, she would have advised us to stay on her bus and pick a different transfer. Anyway, she went above and beyond her duties simply out of concern for a family.

  Last item in this bus drivers section: the other Seattle bus drivers were fairly laid back. On the larger buses, people just board at the rear doors and the driver assumes they have a ticket. We did that once, because it was a mad rush to get on the bus and we didn’t want to be left to wait for the next bus. We did have valid tickets. One driver rounded down on purpose, which I thought was nice but later I realized he just didn’t want me slowing down his route by feeding single dollar bills into the fare box.

• Helping Strangers
  At Old Faithful, I was standing on the central walkway approaching the geyser viewing area. The kids were playing on logs nearby so I was just people watching. There were dark clouds in the distance (very far, since that’s big sky country there), and we could see lightning occasionally with the thunder coming afterwards.

  As I’m observing all this, some other guy comes walking quickly down the path, holding a fancy camera (DSLR with a larger-than-standard lens) and speaking excitedly and constantly. Just as he gets to where I am, we hear a low rumble of thunder. He starts relatively freaking out “Ahh! It’s starting!! We got here just in time!!!”

  I didn’t want to burst his bubble, but at the same time I wanted him to have correct information (that the rumbling was not Old Faithful starting), so I tell him “That’s actually just the thunder from the storm over there. Old Faithful isn’t due for about 15 more minutes.” Or something like that. He continues speaking to no one in particular and without even looking at me or acknowledging me and says something like “I guess I’m just so excited to be here. I haven’t been here since I was 6, and [wife’s name] and [baby’s name] have never been here at all.”

  I look, and trailing behind him are his wife and child, whom I didn’t name because I don’t remember their names. Also with him is a cameraman, carrying another fancy camera and a tripod and a light. He wasn’t using any of them, just carrying them. I then look back at excited-talker guy, and I see that he is still talking to no one and he always cares where his camera is pointing.

  That’s when I realize I’ve run across a vlogger. He had been, and still was, rolling film. My first thought was that I was a doofus for interrupting his monologue and ruining his video. My second thought was that he must have spent a lot of money on memory cards. If he’s running minutes and minutes of video on a DSLR, he has invested a lot into his equipment.

  Before I could get to a third thought, his wife turned to me with her perfectly white teeth (she looked prepared to be on camera at any time) and asked what time Old Faithful was supposed to erupt. I conveyed the information I saw on the park ranger’s board, something like 8:37. She thanked me and they all headed over to the benches close to Old Faithful.

  Sure enough, Old Faithful erupted right on time – 8:37 or whatever it was I told them. I tried to avoid them, so I didn’t accidentally make another cameo in his YouTube channel. I did see him discussing the next shot with his cameraman, so he wasn’t always filming.

  I have no idea who that guy was, but if anyone out there knows a vlogger/youtuber/van-lifer who was at Yellowstone National Park in late June and whose child would have been just a couple months old or so at the time, that was probably him.

• Rental Car Tips
  We happened to use Enterprise for 2 of the van rentals on our trip. Here is a tip if you have to use Enterprise: when you turn in the vehicle and they ask you how everything was, your answer must be “It was great!” If you do not say “great” – my answer was “it was good” – then they will ask you what they could have done to make it great. And then you must provide an answer which is essentially free process improvement advice for them. Unless you feel like having to answer an extra question (and an open-ended one at that), use their corporate buzzword of “great”.

  Also note: I tried a couple of different options, but the winner was always Costco. Use Costco’s car rental service – better rates than any other membership discounts I could find.

  Lastly: I did what a lot of people say not to do and payed extra for insurance at the rental company. I know my credit card offers to cover damages during my rental, and for all I know Costco might have offered something too. Didn’t matter to me – I paid $20 per day for peace of mind and paperwork avoidance. Sure, the credit card company will probably pay something, but when and how? Does the rental company charge me and then I need to get reimbursed? Do I need to fill out paperwork at the rental company and also with the credit card company? Peace of mind – I could enjoy the vacation and drive without worry, knowing that if anything happened to the car then it would not be my problem. Just drop it off and leave.

• Favorite Spot
  After vacation, some other family members asked me what my favorite part of vacation was. I stopped to think, and they helpfully rephrased the question to “if you could go back to one place, which place would that be?”

  My answer was not one of the places that we stayed, but one of the places through which we drove: the scenic area of Montana. If you need a specific location, either Ennis or Big Sky. Ennis was on the way to Yellowstone and Big Sky was between Yellowstone and Bozeman. They both were set along a river next to a mountain range, with whitewater rafting tours and other adventures available, but with plenty of opportunity for relaxing and enjoying the scenery.

Continued from last week

Day 12

This was a day of sightseeing throughout the park. So we woke up and had breakfast at the lodge’s small restaurant thingy. Not many options, not very good food, and not cheap. But without a fridge in our room, we were at their mercy.

Then we wandered around the visitor’s center of Old Faithful for a while. We watched a short informational movie about Yellowstone and geysers – showtimes are based around Old Faithful eruption times – and then the kids went through the exhibits. It was fairly well done, and they had a room just for kids.

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