This is Alpha, the first-born, when he was 2YO.
This is Beta, the second-born, when he was about 2YO.
This is Gamma, the third-born, when he was about 18MO.
A Driver’s Ed Open Letter
May
29
2019
Alpha has his permit for driving. Our state requires a gradual phase-in of driving permissions, not quite as much freedom as we used to have but it seems to be safer. Imagine your son is about to start driver’s ed. He has been wanting to drive for a while and is pretty excited to start. Here is an example letter that might be good to set his expectations.
You are now old enough to start driving. You will soon have the freedom to go places by yourself. You will be controlling a powerful piece of equipment and you need to learn to use it well. There will be other people around you who may or may not behave themselves, and you need to be ready for them. You need to learn the rules of the road, and remain in control of your driving. You will need to be careful, because it will be very easy to cause a lot of damage very quickly. That’s what driver’s ed is about – to ease you into driving. At first you will be able to drive only if we are with you. Then, once you have demonstrated enough knowledge and responsibility, you will be able to drive on your own. Don’t be frustrated or impatient with the long drawn-out process – it is there for your own good.
Signed, your loving parents.
I think it’s a fine process. But a lot of parents just do whatever the government requires. What if there were something that could cause as much emotional and spiritual damage as a car can cause physical damage?
Let’s replace “driving” with “using the internet” and see what happens.
You are now old enough to start using the internet. You will soon have the freedom to visit sites by yourself. You will be controlling a powerful piece of equipment and you need to learn to use it well. There will be other people around you who may or may not behave themselves, and you need to be ready for them. You need to learn the rules of the road, and remain in control of your browsing. You will need to be careful, because it will be very easy to cause a lot of damage very quickly. That’s what online ed is about – to ease you into the internet. At first you will be able to browse only if we are with you. Then, once you have demonstrated enough knowledge and responsibility, you will be able to browse on your own. Don’t be frustrated or impatient with the long drawn-out process – it is there for your own good.
Signed, your loving parents.
Or you could replace “internet” with “Facegram” or “Instachat” or whatever. My point is that kids need instruction and oversight when they start poking around the internet. Sure, it is easy to use. But that doesn’t mean it is safe.
There are programs you can install that will block bad websites and limit what users can access. I’d say that’s a good thing for younger kids, but it should not replace a parent’s supervision. One reason being that those programs are not perfect. And the other reason being that it doesn’t prepare the child for the real world. Going back to the driving analogy, it would be like limiting the car to first gear. Sure the kid might stay safer, but he also wouldn’t have the right experience to drive wherever he may need to drive once he’s out of the house. So for older kids (middle school on up), I suggest having very few restrictions, but make sure they know that you check on what they are doing. And even middle schoolers know to delete a browser history, so be sure you have a program that logs the sites regardless.
The point is to let him have to make choices. And know that he will have to account for those choices. Such as why he chose to click on that ad (“Son, never click on any ads”) or why Google image search is not always a good idea. That’s what raising kids is all about – make sure they know what good habits and choices are so they are prepared for life.
For this reason his parents said, “He is of age; ask him.”
John 9:23
